On last Sunday’s episode of Vanderpump Rules, the Toms Sandoval and Schwartz did something in Las Vegas they weren’t exactly proud of: after one too many aluminum bottles of Bud Light, they got tattoos on their rumps to show their undying devotion to their girlfriends. Whereas Katie was visibly relieved that the cursive “Bubba” tat scrawled onto Schwartz’s butt was the most scandalous thing to happen on the Vegas trip, Ariana was not feeling the hilarious mess that is the bacon “A” on Sandoval’s buttocks. Sandoval agreed to have the bacon "A" removed. And on Monday night’s episode of Pump Rules, Sandoval learns that erasing that bacon “A” will be an expensive ordeal.
At the top of the ep, Ariana and Tom Sandoval visit a tattoo removal specialist. Tom Sandoval informs the viewers at home that he happens to be friends with the tattoo removal specialist office manager. Oh, but that's not all! Do you know who else happens to be friends with the office manager? Kristen. Tom Sandoval says he hopes Kristen doesn't find out about this visit to the their mutual friend’s place of employment. He also hopes his ex-girlfriend doesn't find out about the bacon-themed tribute to his current girlfriend.*
(*UH OH UH OH UH OH UH OH. Will the show circle back to this? Or was this just a throwaway comment? Will there be a Kristen versus bacon "A" fight at the Season 4 reunion, or no? Is this Chekov’s smoking bacon, or is it nothing but a bacon herring?)
After taking a close look at the bacon "A," the specialist tells Sandoval that his fresh tattoo is too raw to remove. He will have to wait until it heals entirely. The tattoo will not be going anywhere anytime soon. But this is only the beginning of the not-so-good news:
- Removing the bacon “A” can take anywhere from seven to fifteen treatments.
- The process will take a year and a half.
- Even with his friend-with-the-office-manager-discount, the procedure will cost him a thousand dollars.
Oof. One might say that bacon "A" will cost serious bacon, eh?