The Next Book You Should Read Based on Your Zodiac Sign
Look. We all know that astrology isn't as scientific as, say... actual science. We know that we shouldn't judge anyone based solely on their zodiac sign. And yes, some people will say that astrology is a load of silly nonsense (but those people are probably just being typical Capricorns).
Astrology is pseudoscience, but it's really fun pseudoscience and it's usually at least a little accurate (although everyone know you're don't REALLY know your sign until you know your rising, moon, Venus, and mid-heaven signs). And why do we need to know our zodiac signs? To obsessively gauge the compatibility of potential romantic partners and find spot-on book recommendations, of course.
So whether you check your horoscope everyday, or you only have the vaguest sense of the difference between a water-bearer and a fish-goat, you might as well trust the stars and check out the book that the universe has chosen for you. (And if you're not so into the Zodiac, just translate it into Myers-Briggs.) Even if you're a chilled out Aries, or a hardhearted Cancer, or a grounded Aquarius, you might find that there's something to all this zodiac stuff (and anyway, you can never have too many book recommendations, cosmic or otherwise).
1. Aries: Graceling by Kristin Cashore
I'm assuming that all Aries have already read The Hunger Games and all of Tamora Pierce's Alanna books. In that case, the synopsis of Graceling begins with "Katsa has been able to kill a man with her bare hands since she was eight." That's you all over, Aries. You're a tough, independent ram, and you're all about living in the present (and if that means killing men with your bare hands, so be it). And since you're the most active and determined sign in the zodiac, books about badass girls having adventures and taking names are right up your alley.
2. Taurus: Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
As a Taurus, you can probably appreciate the classics. In many ways, you're steadfast (some might even say stubborn) and patient, but you can still swoon over a good old-fashioned romance. Both stable and sensual when the occasion calls for it, you can identify with both sisters in Sense and Sensibility. Because on the one hand, you're practical to a fault. But on the other hand... when you fall in love, you're not going to let anything stand in your way, because the bull always gets what it wants.
3. Gemini: Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh
I was tempted to choose Jekyll and Hyde, Gemini, but I think you'd enjoy this one more. As a Gemini, you're not so much two-faced as mercurial — you contain multitudes. You're the life of the party when you want to be, so you can totally get behind Allie Brosh's zany cartoons and her off-the-wall, excitable humor. But you can also totally identify with her neuroses, her ups-and-downs, and her more serious moments. You appreciate a sharp wit, but you need a book with more than one layer, because you're not a one-note person.
4. Cancer: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
The other zodiac signs may call you a crybaby, but you know that there's nothing wrong with being sensitive. Relationships with friends and family are incredibly important to you, and you have a complex inner world that other people might not always understand. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn is one of those emotionally rich books that'll make you feel everything from overwhelming joy to crippling despair. But at its heart, it's all about family and the magic of the everyday. And once you've finished this one, check out Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? for a title that hits a little too close to home.
5. Leo: The Complete Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway by Ernest Hemingway
All the other signs can pack up and go home, because Leo has arrived. As a Leo, you're not a narcissist, you just happen to be a natural born leader. You're confident. And creative. And hot. You just call it like it is! You probably like bold, important books that are actually worth your time. Ernest Hemingway is a straightforward writer who tackles huge emotions with a powerful simplicity. He kills lions and had torrid affairs and doesn't care about the haters. You're definitely not in favor of killing lions, but Hemingway is such an overblown, charismatic jerk that you've got to love his writing.
6. Virgo: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon
As a detail-oriented Virgo, you'll love how this book explores every little facet of this one kid's unique world. But being a Virgo, you're not just a hyper-organized automaton: you also have a very strong sense of humanity. And that's what makes Curious Incident a truly great book. It's all about the humanity of people with a very different perspective on the world (and it's enough of a mystery to keep you on the edge of your seat).
7. Libra: Lafayette in the Somewhat United States by Sarah Vowell
As a Libra, you're a social intellectual, with a keen mind and a good sense of diplomacy. So basically, you're the full package. You're (unsurprisingly) a very balanced person. And that's exactly why you might like Sarah Vowell's acerbic and insightful writing on American history: It'll feed your love for sparkling conversation and your more heady interests in justice and politics. You know how to find the beauty in things, and you'll appreciate the skill with which Vowell weaves the story of General Lafayette into a humorous book on friendship and fallibility throughout history.
8. Scorpio: Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
Passionate doesn't even begin to cover it. You're a Scorpio, and if people stay on your good side, you'll be a fiercely loyal friend or incredibly loving partner. But if someone crosses you? You will fake your own death and frame them for murder so fast. Aries might be hotheaded, but Scorpio will get secret revenge on you before you even know that they're mad. The scorpion is smart and resourceful as well as intense, and even the tamest Scorpio can find the fun in the totally twisted, impassioned characters of Gone Girl.
9. Sagittarius: Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
Sagittarius is often the comedian of the zodiac. Who doesn't love a centaur? You're enthusiastic, fun, philosophical, curious — everyone loves you. And you would love Good Omens, a strange and hilarious book that'll still make you ponder some of the bigger questions of the universe. It's a laugh-out-loud apocalyptic romp starring a neurotic angel and a fast-living demon (they've misplaced the Anti-Christ), and it just gets better from there. Good Omens is perfect for all Sagittarians, because it's almost as good company as you are.
10. Capricorn: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
I'm sorry about that crack in the intro, Capricorn. You didn't deserve that: you're probably the gentlest sign of the zodiac. You're self-reliant and disciplined, and you can be no-nonsense when you need to be. And your style can sometimes be a bit old school, so the classics are always a good bet. Yes, Jane Eyre might be a little Gothic for your taste, but give it a chance: behind all the romance, it's the story of one independent woman learning to depend on herself and trust her own judgment. And (spoiler alert) you would also walk the hell out on any dude who didn't tell you about his secret attic wife.
11. Aquarius: On the Road by Jack Kerouac
You're an eccentric intellectual. Or maybe you're a shy and thoughtful humanitarian. Or a firebrand political activist. Aquarius is an original sign, and Aquarians tend to wander off onto their own planet from time to time. Enter Jack Kerouac: the hippie genius who'll inspire you to take road trips and think about LIFE and have fun with friends but also care about important things. Plus, he's just got a groovy stream-of-consciousness writing style that is completely eclectic but never boring. As a deep-thinker and a fun-loving progressive, you'll find something to love about the (somewhat problematic) freewheeling beat generation.
12. Pisces: Dangerous Angels by Francesca Lia Block
Dangerous Angels is a collection of interwoven, post-modern fairy tales. If you're a Pisces, you like something that can capture your impressive imagination, and this book can only be described as "weird' and "magical" and "artsy." And that's you all over: dreamy but wise, and endlessly creative. Is this book whimsical? Hell yes it is. It's precious and quirky, too, but it's still a wholly engaging and inventive read. The style is deceptively simple and lyrical, the characters are entirely ridiculous, and the plot is pure fairy tale escapism. Perfect for any artistically inclined fish.