Who To Root For Super Bowl XLVIII When You Don't Actually Care Who's Playing

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So, guys, the Seattle Seahawks and the Denver Broncos are going to be playing in this huge thing called the Super Bowl on Sunday. If you're not a football fan you're probably thinking "OK, but IDGAF". I hate to break it to you, but this game is one of the largest televised events all year (sahhry, Oscars) and if you don't pick a team you're going to find yourself mindlessly watching the game and eating nachos while you wait for the good commercials to come on — which, yes, can be fun in and of itself but wouldn't you rather feel a little invested in the goings on? If your definition of Super Sunday is going to a boozy brunch where you avoid talking about football entirely, I'm here to help you pick a team. (P.s. I loooove football so much I'm just going to call myself a football expert. Yes, seriously.) Here are the definitive factors any non-football fan needs to consider when picking which Super Bowl team to root for. Hint, there are only two choices...

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