The Official Ranking Of *NSYNC's Commercials

Hi my name is Kristie and I want to give a Total Request Live-style to all of the spectacular commercials from the late '90s/early '00s that featured my *~cRuSheS~* Justin Timberlake, Joey Fatone, JC Chasez, Lance Bass, and Chris Kirkpatrick. Yes, just like their pop music contemporary/their former tour mate/their 1999 VMAs costar/fellow purveyor of HitClips Britney Spears, *NSYNC dabbled in the television spot game around the turn of the New Millennium. Whether they were peddling baby back ribs, burgers, magazines, or the Super Bowl Halftime Show, the “It’s Gonna Be Me” quintet always brought charm, five-part harmonies, and well-coiffed hairdos to the small screen. As a wise pop group once sang, "Yes, yes, yes, here we go/*NSYNC has got the advert flow."

With the assistance of a rake fashioned out of the marionette control bars from the “Bye Bye Bye” music video, I spent part of my morning combing the Internet for *NSYNC advertisements. And after my search was through, I spent the next part of my morning ranking the *NSYNC advertisements. I know you did not ask me to rank all of the *NSYNC advertisements, but guess what? I went ahead and ranked 'em anyway.

#8: CatDog Cheese Nips

Reason for rank: I waited and waited and waited for *NSYNC to climb out of a box of Cheese Nips. But it never happened. Instead, we got a picture of the boy band at the very end of the advert. That’s it. It’s the “I’ll Never Stop” of *NSYNC commercials.

#7: *NSYNC #1 Fan Barbie

Reason for rank: Like the CatDog Cheese Nips ad, this Barbie ad is severely lacking in the *NSYNC cameo department. Why is this ad ranked higher than the CatDog Cheese Nips ad? Why aren’t the ads tied for last place? Because of this Barbie ad moment:

Never underestimate the power of *NSYNC bucket hat-clad dancing Barbie dolls.

#6: Chili’s

Reason for rank: Look, this ad is fine. But it’s impossible to not compare it to the other *NSYNC Chili’s ad. The other *NSYNC Chili’s ad is a masterpiece. And this *NSYNC Chili’s ad is fine.

#5: Teen People

Reason for rank: Tween Kristie is so jealous of that Teen Peoplereader right now. The most exciting thing that ever happened to me while I read Teen People? I got a gnarly paper cut while taking a "What Style Of Jeans Best Fit Your Personality?" quiz.

#4: Budweiser

Reason for rank: Excuse me. EXCUSE ME. Is that a Miriam McDonald (aka Emma from Degrassi: The Next Generation) cameo?! HNNNNNNNNGH.

#3: McDonald’s

Reason for rank: Heeeeey, Godney! If there was ever an ad that pandered to me, it’s this game of spin the bottle with *NSYNC and Britney Spears.

#2: Super Bowl XXXV

Reason for rank: Oh, wait. Actually, if there was ever an ad that pandered to me, it’s this toilet joke starring *NSYNC.

#1: Chili’s

Reason for rank: It is probably the best television ad to ever be on television. Actually, it isthe best television ad to ever be on television. I dare anyone to find an ad that is better than this one. Much like the crate that falls out of the sky and crushes poor Joey Fatone, this ad crushes every other ad.

Image: mercatfat/YouTube