This Might Be The Weirdest V-Day Gift, Ever

When it comes to Valentine's Day gift ideas, it's not always easy to hit the sweet spot between coming up with something original, and making a classic, romantic gesture. That's where the Bronx Zoo's "Name a Cockroach" Valentine's Day gift package comes in. Whether you've been with someone for years, or you're just getting started with your significant other, playing Cupid and showing your affection in gift form is never easy. That's why the zoo came up with an innovative idea for you this year, and it won't cost you more than $10. (Warning: This will certainly make for a memorable Feb. 14, but it will also erase any ounce of hot and heaviness you and your partner may be feeling that night.)

Due to its surplus of Madagascar hissing roaches and the pressing issue of not being able to name them all, the Bronx Zoo is allowing you to name one of these little critters for $10 per roach. You can name one after bae, after St. Valentine himself, or name the little guy after what you were truly thinking when you decided this would be a sound idea for a V-Day gift: I had no idea what to get you.

But if you're turning your nose up at the idea of getting your significant other a roach to name on the most romantic holiday of the year, the Bronx Zoo explains that what you're actually getting them is an elaborate metaphor.

"Elusive, resilient, and sometimes scary. Love is like a roach," reads the tagline on its site.


And if you want to make sure your newly named roach comes with some sweets, you can purchase a special package for just $25, that includes the certificate for your new, cringe-worthy friend and a box of chocolates.

If roaches aren't your style though, but you still want to get something to make your partner confused and a tad bit squeamish, here are a few other strange, and borderline disconcerting gift ideas I've come across in the wild. Because who wants jewelry or chocolates, after all?

1. A Salami Bouquet

Why get your boyfriend or girlfriend a bouquet of flowers when you can get them a bouquet of cured meats instead? Thanks to the meat geniuses over at Olympic Provisions, you can get your lover a bushel of six different types of salamis, including Italian, French, Spanish, and Greek, for just $85. That's one heck of a bargain for more than a month's worth of sandwiches, if you ask me.

2. Teeth Jewelry

What's better than telling your partner they hold a part of you? Actually giving them a part of you, that's what! Australian-based designer, Polly van der Glas specializes in making jewelry out of people's teeth, and hair placed in cast medal settings. While Polly already has a whole line to choose from, she will give you 10 percent off your purchase if you use your own teeth as a part of a custom piece. A cast medal tooth ring may cost you a pretty penny, but being able to scare the crap out of your partner's coworkers and friends is priceless.

3. A Fake Partner

Single people of the world looking to treat themselves on Valentine's Day, look no further! You can now fake a relationship on social media for all of your friends to see. Brazil-based website Namoro Fake is giving out fictitious lovers for an epic Facebook catfish that only you will have to know about. If you're looking for something long-term, Namoro Fake offers a 30-day package including a fake profile for your new partner whom you can make things Facebook official with, and daily comments to your Facebook to make things look super legit. But, if you just want to make your ex jealous this Valentine's Day, the site also offers a three-day "fling" package to let the world know you weren't alone for the holiday. There's nothing deeply disturbing about this at all.

4. A Condom Necklace

Want to make a sexy gesture, while also reminding your partner to keep things safe? Well, thank goodness for the eccentric jewelry makers at Etsy, because they've made that a total possibility. For $15, you can get a condom necklace in any color you so desire, with some hot come-ons like, "I love sex" and "Lick me." Your partner is sure to get the hint with this one, because you've made it very, very explicit.

Images: Etsy; Vanderglas; Olympic Provisions; Namoro Fake; Stephenhorvath/Flickr