How I Learned to Take Myself Seriously In Sexy Lingerie, Just In Time for Valentine's Day

I’m on a personal quest to finally, after an entire lifetime of shunning the very idea of donning any sort of sexy undergarments, take myself seriously in lingerie. It’s not easy.

I think the sexiest lingerie I’ve ever worn was back in junior high school. I was just discovering my sexuality and Victoria’s Secret was the ticket to fulfilling my need to be a grown-up, to defy my parents in some way. I was no longer a little girl and I wanted everyone to know it. I still remember the horror in my mother’s eyes when those lacey thongs showed up in the laundry basket.

“Why would you want something up your bum like that?” she asked. Admittedly they weren’t very comfortable and my relationship with thongs was very short lived, but at 13 I was ready to be a woman. In my mind, women wore thongs.

When I decided I no longer had to prove to myself or others that I’m a sexual being, I sunk into my current and long-standing phase of cotton boy-shorts. They’re comfy, they can be sexy in their own way, and who doesn’t love a woman in her early 30’s rocking undies with bunnies and ice cream cones on them? While I’ve always worn black, lacey bras on top, that doesn’t really constitute lingerie in the sultry, ready-for-a-romp sense, and I think it’s time to step it up a bit. Just because I don’t have a model’s body doesn’t mean I shouldn’t give some serious, hot and heavy underthings a try.

I turned to my friend Alle Connell for advice. As a writer for xoVain, she writes about beauty, embracing your sexy side, and all other things with which I need an epic education. Her #1 tip for me (and you, too)? “Get to know what you like. It isn't just about LOOKING sexy; it's about FEELING sexy. If you're trussed up in something that makes you feel like a weird suspension bridge, you're not exactly feeling very hot.”

And with that bit of input from a woman I admire, I proceeded on with my quest to make my fear of lingerie a thing of the past...though there were sure to be some awkward moments along the way.


According to Alle, the first and most essential step in getting this party started is searching online for what you like, then going from there to the store. “You can’t really know anything about fabrics, fit, or feel until you actually try it on. Try on everything, and see what you like and what you don’t. You might be surprised by the stuff you like best.”


Alle’s favorite lingerie store is Agent Provocateur, so that’s where I headed. She assured me that they’d be “DYING to help you find things that you love and that fit you perfectly.” She was right…as per usual. They were very eager to help and didn’t make me feel like my less than perfect body didn’t deserve such extravagance.


When I went into the lingerie shop, I thought, “Oh, I’m going to go crazy and pick something completely over the top!” Bad idea. Not only were the complicated items physically uncomfortable, but mentally, too. I couldn’t even rock one alone in the dressing room, so I can’t imagine how much of a disaster that would be in front of my husband. So, I went for something that was equally sexy, but in a different way, and tried that. I felt good! I felt pretty damn hot, too.


You may think your boy confidence is nonexistent, but you’re wrong. Everyone, somewhere deep inside them, has at least some level of confidence. If you can’t find it right away, think of times you were proud of yourself or you surprised yourself with something great you did. Grab the confidence you had in that fleeting moment and don’t let it go. In fact, sink your teeth into that memory and hold it there until you’re forced to experience what confidence feels like, then implement it into your new life as a woman who wears lingerie.


If you’re usually not a makeup gal then, just like with your lingerie strategy, don’t get too crazy. Just a little mascara and red lipstick will help you feel like the seductress you truly are. Why red? Because, and this has been scientifically proven, red increases desire in both men and women. So, if you’re not brave enough to work red lingerie, your next best bet is red lipstick.


Just because you wear a suit to work or sweats to class, doesn’t mean you can’t wear some hot lingerie underneath. It may seem silly at first, but it’s a great way to warm up to the idea of wearing it. Remember: you’re not just wearing lingerie for your partner; you’re wearing it for yourself, too. It will also help in giving you a bit of a confidence boost if you know what’s going on under your straight-laced outerwear. You’re sexy! So be sexy 24 hours a day!


So this goes against the title of this post, but there’s a difference between taking yourself seriously and taking yourself seriously in lingerie. You can still be the sex kitten/quirky little devil you are in your lingerie. Just because you’ve mastered the art of feeling like a sex goddess in lace and chiffon, doesn’t mean you should put the YOU you are on hold. What it comes down to is having fun, being yourself, and own this new side of you.

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