Minnie Driver's Dying to Be on 'Downton Abbey' So Let's Play Casting Director

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Hey, Julian Fellowes: would you mind giving homegirl a call tout suite? Because Minnie Driver wants to be on  Downton Abbey so freaking bad and we can think of no greater gift to bestow of the soapiest Edwardian drama series this world has ever seen. After all, Minnie Driver — soon to be star of NBC's About a Boy — is an international treasure of esteem and regard. Equal parts hilarious, serious, and utterly harmonious (she can sing, after all), we can think of no greater British treat to grace the hallowed halls of Yorkshire's finest estate.

"I would do Downton Abbey—tomorrow," Driver explained. "I'm waiting by the phone! I don't care what I play, I just want to be on the show. I want to be in it. I'm obsessed with it. I don't even mind if they kill me after one episode. I just love that show. It's the greatest soap opera on TV!" How's that for enthusiasm? You can't say no to that kind of spirit!

In fact we're so enamored with the idea of Driver getting her fantasy fulfilled, we've crafted a few characters that we're sure would be absolutely perfect for her appearance. That way the work's already taken care of, Fellowes. All you have to do is pick up the phone, tell Driver she's in, and write and produce the entire fifth season of the ITV via PBS series. Consider me your character valet, sir.

Lady Alva DeFlorice of Dinmore: A prominent upper class aristocrat from a neighboring area, Lady Alva was a brief acquaintance of Lady Grantham upon her arrival to the Grantham estate. A wild and erratic loose cannon, Lady Alva was ostracized from society following an appearance at a party for the Duke and Duchess where her ankles were prominetly on display. With the increased frivolity becoming the way of the world, Lady Alva's antics have come back into favor — though it remains to be seen if her

Bessie Frost, Housekeeper: Subservient to the highest order, Bessie Frost is an old-school head housekeeper for a neighboring noble family. With a visit from Lady Louise Mountbatten following her wedding to Crown Prince Gustaf Adolf of Sweden on the horizon, all local lords and ladies are joining forces to ensure the perfect party for such esteemed guests. When Mr. Carson finds himself smitten with Bessie's authoritarian ways and traditional values, will Mrs. Hughes have a realization of her own?

Lottie Jane Mire, London Socialite and Actress: A luxurious dim bulb, Lottie Jane Mire is the latest obsession of cousin Rose MacClaire. At times a bit left of center, thanks to her obsession with the occult, Lottie floats through life on her talents and master manipulation skills. Determined to make Lottie her mentor as she wades the risky waters of fame, Rose invites the actress to the estate and finds that sometimes the glamorous life comes with heady demons and even darker spirits.

Season five would be a guaranteed walloper if Driver were on board. Capitalize on the moment, old chaps!