Zayn Malik's "Pillowtalk" Is Actually About Pizza

We might have predicted that Zayn Malik's next solo release would be huge, but we never expected it to be 16", 12-slice, deep-dish huge. Because, while everyone's out there discussing how "Pillowtalk" is probably about rumored lady-love Gigi Hadid, or maybe ex Perrie Edwards — and sure, it's easy to assume that he's just talking about S-E-X with lyrics like "be in the bed all day, bed all day, bed all day" — there's good reason to believe that "Pillowtalk" is actually about Malik's love for pizza. Just replace "you" throughout the track's lyrics with "deep dish," and it quickly becomes apparent.

Who can blame him? The Brit export likely had never been exposed to the nuance with which we Americans treat our pies. Having declared to Billboard that he's "not censoring" himself any longer, freed from the constraints of the shiny boy-band image, he seems ready at last to come out about his true love — and that love is a piping hot, crusty, melty slice of pizza. New York, Neapolitan, Chicago-style, white or red, viewing "Pillowtalk" through a pizza-inflected lens makes it all the more compelling. And all the more delectable.

See, it's real.

1. "Light And Dark / Hold Me Hard And Mellow"

The contrasting colors of light and dark, the contrasting colors of deep red pepperoni against a bright mozzarella-toned background.

2. "I'm Seeing The Pain, Seeing The Pleasure"

This is unambiguously about burning the roof of your mouth on a fresh slice. So painful, but so good.

3. "I Love To Hold You Close, Tonight And Always"

As good as sober pizza is, there's something about a drunk slice, and Malik just gets it.

4. "I Love To Wake Up Next To You"

Leftovers! Cold pizza out of the fridge is its own delicacy.

5. "We'll Piss Off The Neighbors"

This is a very real concern for the frequent post-midnight Domino's patron.

6. "Reckless Behavior / A Place That Is So Pure"

"Reckless behavior" shall herein be defines as excessive pizza consumption that might lead to a food coma.

7. "It's Our Paradise And It's Our War Zone"

Have you ever tried to share a pizza more than two ways?

8. "My Enemy, My Ally"

Picking toppings can become very contentious, very quickly. And, on a wider scale, defenders of the various regional takes on the dish can get quite vehement in their support. (Pro tip: Never try to tell a Chicago-style pizza lover that New York is superior. There's no way for it to end well.)

9. "Then We're Free, It's A Thin Line"

This line could be told from the pizza's perspective — with just a slice of a pizza cutter (the "thin line"), a slice is "free" from the greater pie.

10. "Nobody But You"

A true pizza lover's statement of commitment to the dish.

11. "The Place To Lose Your Fears"

As a child, I refused to eat pizza unless it was classic cheese. Preferably extra cheese. Since then, I've branched out into arugula, onions, tomatoes, basil, various types of cheese, white pizza — I consider it a fear conquered.

Rumor has it that Pizza Hut offered jobs to the members of One Direction during their hiatus. Though Malik has left the band, he might still be vying for a position. Just kidding. "Pillowtalk" is definitely about sex, isn't it!

Images: Giphy (11)