11 '90s TV Valentine's Day Disasters To Avoid In Your Real-Life Celebration
Valentine's Day is a tough holiday to traverse, whether you're single, married, friends with benefits, friends with no benefits, just starting a new relationship, in a relationship with your pet, etc. Going out is expensive and overcrowded while staying in is always less interesting than it should be. Finding fun and creative ways to have a romantic Valentine's Day is February's greatest challenge. That is, of course, besides February's other's challenges, like remembering if there is a Leap Year this year and doing taxes early. But you are not alone in your struggles: these characters from '90s shows have made all the Valentine's Day mistakes so you don't have to. All you have to do is learn from them.
One of the greatest joys from television is watching others make mistakes and knowing that you will never do the same thing. So, thanks to '90s television, we can figure out what not to do this Valentine's Day. The cathartic joy this will bring you is a Valentine I am so happy to present to you all. So, without further ado, let's peek into our favorite '90s television shows' characters and laugh together at their expense.
1. Going On A Double Date With A Younger Sibling
In "Stop Will! In The Name of Love" from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, we learn that it's never a good idea to go on a Valentine's Day double date with a younger sibling. Will tags along on Ashley's Valentine's date and proceeds to ruin it for everyone with his overprotective ways. Let's retire that kind of behavior right now.
2. Buying A House Without Discussing It
In "Valentine's Day" from Mad About You, Paul and Jamie spend the night in the spooky suburban house Paul bought without consulting Jamie about. Valentine's Day gifts are great... buying a house for Valentine's day without any warning? Not so great.
3. Leading A Friend On
The Simpsons episode, "I Love Lisa," holds a valuable lesson. After Ralph doesn't get any Valentines from the rest of the class, Lisa decides to give him a pity Valentine. He then falls immediately in love with her, announcing to the world at Krusty's 29th Anniversary Special that he is going to marry her someday. She snaps, upsetting Ralph, which ends up causing hell for the Simpsons (Ralph's dad is the police chief). Lesson learned: don't lead anybody on during this romantic season.
4. Going On Double Dates With People Who Aren't Comfortable With Each Other
In Friends episode, "The One With The Candy Hearts," the Friends women, do it right: they are dateless and spend the holiday getting very drunk and burning things from old boyfriends. I love that. The men do it wrong by going on uncomfortable double dates. Ross goes on his first date in nine years, and, when he sees his ex-wife and her partner there, insists that they all sit together. Meanwhile, Joey forces Chandler to be his second on a double date which pairs him up with ex-girlfriend, Janice. Double dates just don't work for the big day unless everyone is super comfortable together.
5. Tricking Someone Into Loving You
"Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered" from Buffy the Vampire Slayer is one of my favorite Valentine's Day episodes due to its all-around goofiness. Silly Xander, love potions are creepy and a sort of control one person shouldn't have. In this episode, when Cordelia breaks off her secret relationship with Xander, he gets student witch Amy to cast a love spell. Unfortunately, it backfires, causing every woman in Sunnydale to fall for him. You probably can't cast a love spell anyway, but, if you somehow can (I have so other things to discuss with you), this episode is a fair warning to stay away from such trickery this V-Day.
6. Not Avoiding Exes
There is a cautionary tale in "First Girlfriends Club" from Boy Meets World. Shawn is just trying to go on a nice, romantic Valentine's Day date with Angela, but his past gets in the way by way of three exes who kidnap him. These exes handcuff him to the boathouse so he won't ultimately disappoint Angela. I think that the key lesson here is to be wary of exes on Valentine's Day.
7. Hiding Your Feelings
In a tale as old as time, and also in a Valentine's Day episode of The X-Files called "The Rain Man, weatherman Holman Hardt has a deep and unrequited love for Sheila Fontaine. In a slightly weird version of events, his emotions also control the weather — so, if he thinks Mulder, who is on the case of this Kansas odd weather, has the hots for his lady, he might just cause a tornado that throws a cow into Mulder's hotel room. Holman is a lesson that it's best to not keep that sort of stuff inside this Valentine's Day.
8. Using An Iron
The episode of Frasier, "Three Valentines," is famous for a slapstick five-minute opening in which Frasier's brother, Niles, attempts to iron pants and ends up almost burning the house down. Stay away from irons this Valentine's day. The wrinkled look is in, anyway.
9. Crashing A Friend's Date
In "First Date" from the first season of That 70s Show, we are reminded of a time when both Eric and Hyde were in love with Donna. So weird. In this episode, Eric takes Donna on their first date and first Valentine's Day to a fancy restaurant. Hyde tags along, which was pretty weird. I think we can all agree that it's not a good idea to tagalong to someone else's date.
10. Watching A Birthing Video
Of course Friends makes the list twice, because, if there's anything that the friends know how to do, it's ruin romantic moments. The Valentine's Day episode, The One With The Birthing Video, is no exception to this rule. In the episode, Chandler attempts to watch porn with Monica to spice up their relationship. Unfortunately, what they end up watching is Phoebe's friend's birthing video. Romance vibes destroyed. If you choose to watch porn with your significant other this February 14, make sure it's actually porn first (and female positive!).
11. Pushing For A Relationship When You're Not Ready
In "Dateless in San Francisco" from Full House, a teacher pairs up small children for Valentine's Day. Yes, Michelle gets herself a boyfriend for one episode, even though she is a small child. Luckily, she and Teddy are both aware of their limitations as a couple and decide to remain friends. I think we can all agree that, if you're not emotionally ready for a significant other, don't push it.
Thank goodness people made a lot of mistakes in '90s television, so now I will never make a mistake ever again. Valentine's Day can be rough, but, with the guidance of these characters, you now know exactly what not to do. Good luck traversing the perilous sea of St. Valentine's Day!