9 Tips That Really Help Bring the Sexual Spark Back Into Your Relationship
Our society seems to have a slight infatuation with “newer.” The newest iPhone comes out, and suddenly, your current one doesn’t have enough features. A newer car model comes out, and the old one's value plummets overnight (as if it’s miraculously less effective at getting you from point A to point B). I get it. “Bigger, better, faster” seems to be the unwritten motto for most things these days, and it works — most of the time. But I absolutely refuse to believe that about relationships. It's definitely possible to keep the sexual spark alive in long-term relationships.
People can get a little addicted to the fluttery, head-up-in-the-clouds feelings they get with new relationships. But as soon as that honeymoon phase transitions into everyday routine, people can become restless and bored. Hear me out: It doesn’t have to be that way. Even when you think you know someone inside and out, they’ve always got a few surprises left in them. And because sex is arguably the most vulnerable we can get with another human being, perhaps the bedroom is a great place to discover those surprises side by side (or, you know, one on top of the other). Here are a few tips that’ll help you spice up any relationship, no matter how long the two of you have been going at this.
Learn What Makes Your Partner Tick
A great piece of advice from sex therapist Vanessa Marin is that “Good sex doesn’t just happen.” Kick things up with this rechargeable and waterproof vibrator, the No. 1 best-selling vibrator because of its versatility for both men and women: It’s quiet, made of medical-grade silicone, and it has seven stimulation modes for the utmost pleasure — no matter which partner is using it. It’s great for finding out what, exactly, makes your partner tick, so you can increase pleasure and intimacy now and in the future. Marin says that, contrary to popular belief, we actually have to work at making sex great, and one of the ways we can do that is to learn about our partners’ bodies.
Be Confident And Show It
Showcase your confidence and sexuality with the lacy ribbon-trimmed camisole that you feel great wearing. Not only did customers say this one's incredibly silky, wear-all-day comfortable, and true-to-form, but one said it her fit so well that she bought three! Sex therapist Vanessa Marin says that a common theme among her clients is that almost everyone feels like there’s something “wrong” with them, and as a result, they spend more time worrying than actually enjoying their sex lives. Her advice? Don’t. Just love yourself, and show it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your body or the things that turn you on, and it’s time to embrace that.
Get The Right Angle
Sometimes a shift in angle can mean all the difference between a flickering match and complete fireworks. This top-rated, luxuriously soft Liberator Heart Wedge Pillow is for you, if your main objective is focusing on your and your partner’s pleasure in the moment. Reviewers say that although it’s soft and comfortable, it’s also durable, and it can turn any sexual experience into one that hits all the right spots. It’s made for great positioning and support during intercourse, its cover is machine-washable, and the soft velvety material makes the luxe cushion able to double as a decorative pillow.
Bring Games Into The Bedroom
Staying playful in the bedroom is imperative when it comes to a lively sex life. Vanessa Marin suggests turning things into a game, and what better way to do that than with this well-designed adult dice set? They’re beautifully rounded on the corners with a high-quality, mirror-like nickel finish, and they come with a discreet velvet bag for safe-keeping. Definitely a step-up from your usual bachelorette-party gag gift — these add spontaneity and fun to any relationship, new or old. Plus, each die features a "?" side, so you and your partner can use your imaginations.
Be Vocal About Discomfort, And Fix It
If sex is uncomfortable for you, there’s absolutely no reason why you should keep quiet about it. Talk to your partner, and find solutions: This No. 1 best-selling Premium Intimate Lubricant has a silky-smooth feel, but it's water-based and non-staining, so you don’t have to worry about the state of your sheets. Users say it’s the best they’ve ever tried, because it won’t affect sensitive skin, and it doesn’t leave a sticky residue behind. Know what that means? Tons of post-sex cuddling, without having to go immediately shower off.
Dare To Try Something New
One of the most commonly-expressed complaints from the clients of sex therapists? Monotony. Brandy Engler, Ph.D. says that clients most often "complain about no openness.” This Box of Sealed Seductions dares you and your partner to leave your comfort zones together. It’s written by sex expert Susie Bright, and it prompts conversation, as well as new experiences between you and your partner. Just pick a sealed envelope at random, tear it open, and let the boredom fade away.
Learn The Art Of Foreplay
Sex Therapist Lisa Thomas is a huge believer in foreplay, and believes that “foreplay is the most intimate step of the sexual process.” This book, Tantric Massage For Beginners, is a great way to make foreplay both intriguing and relaxing, and readers say that it focuses as much on the emotional aspects of sex as it does the physical. It’s jam-packed with thorough and innovative information to spice up your sex life, and it's an incredible way to bring mutual respect and satisfaction to the bedroom.
Upgrade Your Massage With Sweet Almond Oil & Geranium Leaf
This sweet almond sensual oil is the ideal addition to working massages into your foreplay game. Its geranium leaf infusion's pleasant aroma is all-natural and completely safe for sensitive skin, and users say its easily absorbed formula won't leave oily residue or stains behind.
Let Your Emotions Show
Clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Jason Greenberg says, “Couples often lose sight of the importance of feeling connected outside the bedroom and how that can affect their sex life.” This adorable, New York Times best-selling book lets your partner know how much you care about them. It’s filled with cute illustrations and witty references, and reviewers say it makes a perfect Valentine’s Day, anniversary, or I’m-just-plain-thinking-about-you gift. Simply put, deeper emotions often lead to better sex, and that (among other reasons) is why your partner should know how much you care.
Bustle may receive a portion of sales from products purchased from this article, which was created independently from Bustle's editorial and sales departments.
Images: Fotolia (1); Amazon (9)