Being a '90s kid is embarrassing for a lot of reasons. Hyper color T-shirts, of course, being a predominant one. Also because the things '90s kids would fantasize about were really, really, super embarrassing, especially in retrospect. Unlike what I imagine kids today fantasize about — owning their own Internet start-up, the first female President, Beyoncé — the things '90s kids fantasized about were much more cringe-worthy. Although kids today do have Justin Bieber to fantasize about. Which isn't exactly not embarrassing. So there's that.
Growing up in the '90s was the best for those of us who did it, but that doesn't mean we're not embarrassed about some of the stuff that went down. Like kissing our young Leonardo DiCaprio and J.T.T. posters goodnight which OMG, I DID NOT DO WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT LIKE SHUT UP WHATEVER! If you were a kid in the '90s, you'll sympathize with me. We weren't cool. We were maybe the least cool generation of kids ever. At least '80s kids were wearing cools '70s hand-me-downs. We got the '80s hand-me-downs. We were tragic and awesome. Here are some things that '90s kids fantasized about that are totally, ridiculously, awfully, embarrassing (I'm sorry for the reminder):
1. Cartoon Lions
Ever had a crush on a lion? Pretty much every kid in the '90s who watched The Lion King did. And we all had some feels for Simba and Nala.
2. Hover Boards
I mean you've seen someone on a hover board now, right? And I'm guessing the first thing you thought wasn't, "Man, they look cool." If only '90s kids knew. If only we knew.
The hottest thing in the '90s was lifeguards. Every kid has a secret fantasy about falling in love with a lifeguard or becoming one. I spent an irrational amount of time in my summers hovering by the lifeguard chair at the beach, casually getting in the way of them actually doing their job of you know, saving lives.
4. Being Marine Biologists
If you ever get a chance to ride in a time machine, go back to the '90s and pick a kid, any kid, and ask them what they want to be when they grow up. I promise you they will answer, "Marine biologist," and if they don't, you can punch me in the face for lying to you. Now use your time machine to come back to the present. Find the same kid and ask them with a marine biologist. Out of us millions, maybe about five are marine biologists now. That's not a fact, but you get the idea the estimation is meant to inspire.
5. Swimming With Dolphins
The absolute height of '90s chic was swimming with dolphins. We're a bit more savvy now about exploiting animals and Sea World, so I guess that makes begging our parents to pay extortionate amounts to swim with dolphins and then crying into our pillows when we were rejected look a bit silly in hindsight. Extra embarrassing points if you fantasized about holding onto a dorsal fin and getting dragged into an underwater kingdom.
6. Finding Carmen Sandiego
One day, Carmen. One day.
7. Having Roommates
Nineties kids watched Friends and fantasized about one day being in their 30s and having roommates. Embarrassing because now that we're in our 30s, roommates are the last thing we want. Independence, sure. Loving relationships, yes. Roommates, not so much.
8. Starting A Baby-Sitters Club
I did start a baby-sitters club when I was about seven. Needless to say it didn't get much business. My bestie and I would have slumber parties and stay up all night talking about how cool our babysitters club would be. It was never quite the way we fantasized it.
9. Having A Hot Uncle
Do I even need to explain why this is embarrassing?