Nostalgia for the '90s has been particularly inescapable these past couple of years. From clothes to accessories to blow-up backpacks to ridiculous '90s hair trends, the love so many of us maintain for our childhood decade has never felt more eternal. Personally, I'm not complaining. I love scrunchies as much as the next gal. But there are more than a few '90s hair trends that we sported as kids that I'm glad haven't been revived. This is partially because they were painful and ripped out most of your hair when removed, and partially because, in hindsight, they just looked pretty dumb.
Fashion is obviously cyclical, so I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if any of these trends made a huge comeback. I guess if I saw Beth Ditto rock a hairband embellished with her name in glitter glue, I'd want one too. But until one of my style icons decides to bring back any of these '90s hair accessories, there's no way that I'm going to see them as anything less than a disaster.
There's likely a reason these 11 hair trends haven't been revived again, and I think that's because none of us want to see them come back. OK, maybe you do a little bit. But I definitely do not.
1. Butterfly Clips
Glitter Rainbow Ombre Butterfly Clips, $5.50, claires.com
They were cute and fun 20 years ago, but if I ever saw somebody trying to wear butterfly clips now — and it wasn't for a '90s-themed costume party — I'd just have to laugh.
2. Hair Mascara
Temporary Hair Color, $6.99, amazon.com
Hair mascara always dried weirdly and made my hair simultaneously clumpy and stringy. The bright colors would only ever bring more attention to this hair catastrophe.
3. Too Much Gel
OK, we still spot this look on the red carpet and the runways from time to time, but that doesn't make me like it more. Hair gel either makes your mane look super wet or super crunchy, and neither is a particularly good look, IMO.
4. Name Hairband
These might have been ridiculously cool when you were a kid, but you'd probably look like you were losing the plot a little if you donned one now.
5. Zig Zag Hairband
Zig Zag Hairband, $4.50, claires.com
These babies were great for getting all the hair slicked back from your face, but they always gave me a headache within minutes.
6. Hair Spirals
Crystal Flower Hair Sliders, $12.50, claires.com
If you ever wonder how a cork feels when it's impaled with a corkscrew, try putting these in.
7. Pencils/Chopsticks/Random Sticks
The chopsticks were culturally insensitive, the pencils never made anyone look more academic, and the sticks made specifically for your hair probably made you look like you were trying too hard to be trendy. We just couldn't win with this hairstyle.
If Lizzie McGuire couldn't pull it off in the early 2000s, neither could us regular folks.
9. Ball Hair Ties
Double Ball Ponytail Holder, $4.95, etsy.com/bornbrilliant
Please don't pretend that one of those balls flicking against your skull wasn't one of the worst pains of childhood.
10. Snap Clips
Ribbon Snap Hair Clips, $12.50, etsy.com/blueberrysprinkles
Yet another killer hair clip that snapped against your skull to inflict nothing but pain.
11. Alice Bands
I may have a personal vendetta against these hairbands because I had to wear them after cutting my bangs off. (You can't judge me, I was six.) But still, they haven't translated well over time and are decidedly uncool.
The hair trends you hate from the '90s may be totally different to mine, but I'm sure we can agree on at least a couple of these. Especially the ones that inflicted pain for literally no reason.
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Images: Nickelodeon (1); Disney Channel Original (1)