I’ve now seen two total episodes of Switched at Birth in my lifetime. Two episodes I thought I would never see, truth be told, but life moves in unexpected directions. And now that I’ve got an hour and 24 minutes of this show under my belt… I have to wonder if that doesn’t lead to a few more hours. After all, I’ve crossed the threshold where I can safely be “new-viewer ignorant” (see my last recap, in which I mostly talked about figuring out that kids on this show were deaf). Now it’s incumbent on me to learn character names; understand long-running plotlines. I don’t like it! But I suppose we all have our own cross to bear.
I’d be lying if I told you interesting stuff happened on tonight’s episode outside of the orbit of the two girls, whose names I’ve learned are “Bay” and “Daphne.” One of their moms, Bay’s biological mom, is involved in some super-boring real estate deal with a guy who’s clearly going to make a move on her soon. On top of that, her husband, Angelo, may or may not be canoodling with some restaurant investor of his. None of us really care! Super-fans have arrived at this point probably sooner than I have, but anything not directly related to the two characters who were actually switched at birth is total snooze-town. I think I’d legally be considered a coma patient if I found the “dad buys a motorcycle plot” at all interesting.
So what happened with the GIRLS, man? Daphne, who had gotten herself into such hot water over the summer with that bribery embroglio, found things heating up again when she attended an engagement party with one of her superiors at the clinic. Things were going so well, too, until the party’s fiancée called her out for blackmailing a leading Latino politician. This sounds like pretty heavy shit for a 16-17 year old? But maybe things are done differently in Kansas City. After that, hurt, Daphne decided to go murderballing with BREAKING BAD’S RJ MITTE (who, creep, wants to cheat on his girlfriend with Daphne). But she’s learned her lesson from the blackmailing plot: “You can’t just go around doing what you want to do!”
Her switched-at-birth sister Bay didn’t do a killer job heeding that advice herself when, ignited by frustration over an email from her ex-boyfriend who went to the military right after cheating on her (I’m trying to write and understand these things down as fast as I can, please bear with), she planted one on another ex-boyfriend, Emmett. What is with these children?! Emmett, who has an online girlfriend from Seattle, is just not having it. Bay tries to explain that things aren’t, like, as weird as he thinks they are. But they are. “This is why we can never get back together.” And then the girl goes and (accidentally) breaks his telescope. It’s just not a good day for the SaB girls.
What will possibly happen next week? Who knows! We’ll find out together, I guess, in an ever-more-educated fashion. By the end of February I may just learn the parents’ names.
Image: ABC Family