During Tuesday night’s episode of The Originals , Celeste teamed up with two old school witches: Bastianna and Genevieve. All three of them are very anti-vampire and are GUNNING for the Originals. They want to rule the school — er— the French Quarter. Oh, forgive me. A third witch was resurrected this week: Monique Deveraux! Sophie is stoked, but also a little shocked. Monique’s acting weird, but who wouldn’t act weird if they'd been stuck in a tomb for a while?
Papa Tunde’s body has been found on one of the symbols. Marcel is like, “This is tooootally a sign from the witches. They’re after us.” Rebekah is like, “Hey, FYI: Monique is back from the dead.” And then, Hayley is like, “Oh, I’m 99 percent sure Celeste is back.”
Klaus is like, “That’s a lot of info to process, but don’t worry. I’ve processed it. THE WITCHES ARE GOING TO DECLARE WAR.”
Poor Uncle Priest
Bastianna cursed Uncle Priest with the same batshit curse that destroyed Cami’s brother. Genevieve tells Cami that they’ll lift the hex if Cami stabs Klaus with Papa Tunde’s blade.
Cami is like, “Ugh, Klaus is the worst, but maybe he actually isn't. And ugh, I’m mad at Uncle Priest for lying to me about my brother for so long, but, like… he’s family. Decisions, decisions.”
She ultimately chooses to tell Klaus about the Uncle Priest hex/blade deal Genevieve offered. Klaus is like, “Uncle Priest is a good guy. I know you’re angry, but he lied for a reason. Also? The witches are AWFUL. I can’t believe they did that to Uncle Priest.” Cami hands over Papa Tunde’s blade and says, “If there’s a war, I want to be on the winning side.” Klaus is like, “Cool. Let’s save Uncle Priest!”
Klaus’s strategy: get the vervain out of Uncle Priest’s system and then compel him to not succumb to the hex. Not shockingly, this does not work. Klaus is like, “New plan! KIDNAP MONIQUE! That’ll get Bastianna to stop this curse crap.”
He kidnaps Monique, meets up with the witches, and is like, “Bring me Bastianna, or it’s lights out for Monique.” Marcel swoops in and is like, “NO! We don’t kill kids.” The two of them fight, Klaus snaps Marcel’s neck, and then SOPHIE APPEARS. Sophie Papa Tunde daggers Klaus. YIKES. Bastianna saunters up and is like, “Thanks, boo. I got this.”
Bastianna is pissed off at Cami for not stabbing Klaus. Yes, Klaus has been dagger’d, but Cami didn’t do the daggering. Bastianna is like, “You chose to side with the evil vampires, so you and Uncle Priest are donezo. WITCHES TAKIN’ DOWN SNITCHES.” Uncle Priest is like, "This hex thing blows."
Celeste and Elijah Reunite
Elijah tells Celeste (who he believes to be Sabine) that the Originals need a witch ally in the witch vs. vamp war. Celeste is like, “LOL nah, as long as Klaus is here? You’re out of luck. Let’s go for a walk.” They go for a walk. During the walk, Elijah realizes Celeste is Celeste. They kiss. They talk about lost love. And then, she’s like, “I died because of Klaus, but you were like, ‘Meh, I’m going stick by that guy.’ Lame move, Elijah.” And that’s when Elijah realizes Celeste poisoned him when they smooched. He falls to the ground.
Celeste tells Elijah she’s going to force him to care a lot less about his family. She then says she going to really do a number on Klaus, Rebekah, and Hayley, and she’ll lift the smooch-inflicted curse when there's just enough time for Elijah to save only one of the three. Celeste is amped to see who he picks.
Hayley and Rebekah host a werewolf party at the plantation house.The party is wiiiiild. FULL MOON. BEER. WEREWOLVES. Rebekah hits it off with one of the werewolves. They dance.
Meanwhile, another werewolf approaches Hayley. His name is Jackson, he’s been watching her (say what now?), and he knows about the hybrid hybrid baby. He also says that their parents knew each other and that he and Hayley were supposed to be a couple. Hayley is like, “Uh… ?” He says their families are wolf royalty.
He tells Hayley that Marcel cursed their bloodline, but that she can help them out. Hayley is like, “The hell?” And he’s like, “Yeah, your little witch buddy offered to free us!” Hayley is like, “Witch buddy? Nope.”
At that moment, Rebekah’s wolf boyfriend is like, “Sorry, this was fun, but… ” HE'S IN ON IT. THE WOLVES ARE IN ON IT. Jeez. Rebekah cannot catch a single break.
Hayley calls Elijah (and wakes him up from his Celeste-inflicted stupor) to tell him she’s in danger. The plantation doors shut, a fire starts, and witches chant. Jackson is like, “Oh, crap.” Jackson is not in on it. Before the fire can get them, Elijah shows up and saves Hayley and Jackson. He’s like, “Where’s Rebekah?” Hayley’s like, “Probably with her werewolf boyfriend? IDK.”
While searching for Rebekah, Elijah runs into Celeste. Celeste is like, “I can break Hayley’s family’s curse, Genevieve knows where Rebekah is, and Bastianna has Klaus right now. Sucks to be you, Elijah!” She knocks him to the ground and is like, “Your family is toast.”
Later, Elijah and Marcel meet up. Elijah and Marcel are like, “You'll never believe the day I had! Haha, me too! Ack, where are Rebekah and Klaus?” And then Elijah is like, “Oh, right. Funny story: I chose Hayley. The witches have my brother and sister.” He tells all of the vampires to suit up because they’re going to go kill the witches.
Meanwhile, Sophie tries to convince Monique to leave the French Quarter with her. You know, because Sophie DAGGER’D KLAUS. Sophie is like, “Let’s do this! Let’s get away from the witch stuff!” Monique is like, “Nope. I don’t want to go. I like witch stuff!” She causes Sophie to bleed from her nose. Monique is like, “You don’t have enough witch faith! You’re a garbage witch!” Sophie starts bleeding from her eyes. Monique leaves Sophie in the middle of the road and joins Celeste, Bastianna, and Genevieve.
Oh. So Monique isn't acting weird because she'd been cooped up in a tomb. She's acting weird because SHE'S BECOME A PSYCHO EVIL WITCH.
Image: Bob Mahoney/The CW