Over the course of the last 19 years, I've met a handful of people who never once watched the iconic cartoon Daria (e.g., my grandparents; my friend who was not permitted to even think about MTV, let alone view any of its offerings; my babysitter who didn't care about 'toons), but I've yet to encounter a human who openly despised the series. It's probably for the best; If I ever do meet someone who flat-out hates the show, I have a feeling my right eyeball will all but bulge out of of my head like Mr. DeMartino barking at a disinterested classroom about the week's syllabus. Yeah, we're all entitled to our own opinions, but the thought of someone talking smack about Daria makes me want to kick a stupid five-sided building. Show is a masterpiece, and I won't hear otherwise.
There are at least 75 million reasons why I love Daria so much, and one of those reasons is Jane Lane. Though I could never pick just one favorite character (the roster is an embarrassment of riches), Daria Morgendorffer’s (only slightly) less misanthropic counterpart would most certainly end up on the short list. She is as funny as she is wise, cool as she is loyal, red lipstick as she is combat boot.
When Jane Lane speaks, you better listen up. Take notes. Adjust your life accordingly. Not sure what I mean? Here are some insanely timeless, insanely sage, and insanely relatable Jane quotes that make for indispensable nuggets of advice:
1. “You Know How Fads Are. Today It's Brains, Tomorrow, Pierced Tongues. Then The Next Day, Pierced Brains.”
Why stay with the curve when you can pierce your brain and be several steps ahead of the curve?
2. “Can We Get On With This? I Have Someplace To Go…Television Counts As A Place.”
Television DOES count as a place, and may we never forget it.
3. “We Could Meet On The Weekends To Eat Pizza & Complain.”
That, my friend, is about as apsirational as you can get.
4. “I Actually Accomplished Something. I Mean, Other Than Getting Up.”
Yes, getting out of bed is an accomplishment. Anyone who tells you otherwise belongs on an episode of Sick Sad World.
5. “I’m Not Selling Out. I'm Attempting To Acquire The Skills & Knowledge That Will Allow Me To Sell Out.”
It's an important distinction. A distinction that one must make if one is committed to not selling out. (And who wants to be a sellout, am I right?)
6. “Am I Missing Something?”
Not following what someone is saying? Never be too embarrassed to ask for clarification. And hey, why not throw in an arched eyebrow for good measure?
7. “Let’s Talk Strategy. I Don’t Wanna Arrive Without A Plan.”
Yeah, going with the flow can be fun and all, but you can never beat being prepared.
8. “After You Called I Got Up, Got Dressed, & Then Fell Back Asleep.”
And there's no shame in that. You've gotta do what you've gotta do.
9. “I Figure If The People Suck I Can Always Wear Headphones.”
To not have a pair of earbuds on your person at all times is a grave error; You never know when you might need to tune out everyone around you.
10. “Why Settle For Vanity When You Can Have Pure Egotism?”
Never settle! Always shoot for the egotism-shaped star!
11. “I’ve Always Wanted To Sleep Upside Down & Spread Rabies.”
And most importantly, don't forget to keep la-la-la-la-la-living your truth.