Jess Is The Worst On 'Gilmore Girls' & Rory Should Never Get Back Together With Him
The Gilmore Girls reboot is officially happening, and I'm beginning to live solely for the plot, casting, and set leaks that seem to come forth daily, lately. Once it was confirmed that all three of Rory's boyfriends had signed on to appear, I immediately squealed with nostalgic delight, and then went back into the mode of deciding what is best for her. After all, we fans have earned the right to make life choices for Rory at this point in our relationship. She basically belongs to us now. And now that we have the very real possibility of our favorite Yale grad ending up with one of her former loves, I'm here to make a strong case for why Rory shouldn't end up with Jess.
Yes, I realize that this may be an unpopular opinion. Team Jess is real serious about their loyalty, and I respect that. As a staunch supporter of the wily gang of underdogs running the Team Logan movement, I understand loyalty to the cause. I not here to talk about Logan, though. Today is the day that I call out Jess Mariano for all of his shady shenanigans and dubious boyfriend behavior. You heard it here; Jess is a mess. Print that on a button and campaign with me, friends. Here is a list of everything you need to know about why Jess doesn't deserve Rory's heart.
1. He Was Straight Up Mean
That's just reality. Jess often spoke to everyone with complete disrespect. When he angrily told Luke that he bothers everyone with his advice, I wanted to kick him in the shins. He literally says, "you have to fix everyone. You think it makes you a good guy but really, it just makes you a pain in the ass." OK, jerkface. The man only opened his home to you. No big deal. Bonus: when Luke pushed Jess into a pond, I rejoiced like it was my own hand that pushed him.
2. He Never Smiles
The perpetually angry thing is not sexy. Jess scowls so much that I'm almost positive he is in a constant state of constipation. Someone get that man some fiber and a rainbow, because he's a big bowl of miserable, and Rory doesn't need that until death do us part.
3. He's So Disrespectful To Lorelai
Not only is that a huge issue under normal circumstances, but, with the freakishly tight bond that exists between Rory and her mother, Jess would be smart to make super sure he treats Lorelai like a goddess. And yet, when she invites Jess to her house for dinner, he steals a beer, tries to bail through a window, and asks Lorelai if she's sleeping with Luke. So dreamy, guys. So dreamy.
4. He Doesn't Care About Rory's Interests
Rory is a true blue Stars Hollow townie. She dresses like a pilgrim, volunteers at festivals, and was almost Taylor's Ice Cream Queen. If you date her, you accept that, and you embrace that. Jess refuses to take her to the Winter carnival and only gives in when he finds out that Dean will be there. Deduct double points from Jess' swoonable score because not only did he initially refuse to do something that was important to Rory, but he then showed how insecure he was by being threatened by Dean's mere presence.
5. He Pressured Her
Remember the house party that he and Rory went to? The one where he got into a fistfight with Dean and broke Kyles' mom's "Boy With Toothache" figurine? He almost crossed a huge line in an upstairs bedroom when Rory basically had to yell at him to stop pressuring her into sex with her against her wishes. Then he yelled, "I did not invite you up here, you came up on your own!" OK, buddy, calm down.
6. He Left Her Alone On A Saturday Night
Lorelai and the Beach Boys had it correct. "None of the guys go steady cause it wouldn't be right to leave their best girl home now on Saturday night." Jess does not need this advice. Instead, he leaves Rory waiting around for him, and then expects her to drop her plans when he unexpectedly shows up with Distillers tickets. So presumptuous.
7. He Bailed On Her For California
I should be able to rest my case right here! He legitimately abandons her and bus hops across the country because things got a little tough for him. He doesn't even tell her he's leaving. I can't. I can not. I cease to can.
8. He Says "I Love You" But Then...
HE RUNS AWAY. That's not cute. I'm sorry but if you abandon me, run across the country, ignore my calls, and fail to make any communication with me, then show up, shout that you love me in the middle of the street, and then proceed to run away again, I'm not going to be impressed.
9. He Only Likes Rory
Sure, when you are an angsty teenager, the whole "us against the world" mentality seems super romantic. When you are a grown adult, you recognize that this is actually a huge red flag. This is like a serial killer indicator. When a dude tries to isolate the two of you from the whole world, it's psychotic.
I think I have made a valid argument against Jess and Rory reuniting romantically ever again. Let her move on in the revival, please Gilmore Girls goddesses, please.
Images: Warner Bros. Television; Giphy (10)