11 Insane Things Batman, Superman, & Other Superheroes Have Said In Comics
Superheroes have never been more popular than they are today. This year alone there are six superhero movies hitting theaters, and all of them are expected to dominate the box office. Deadpool already has, becoming the highest-grossing R-rated movie ever. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice premieres later this month, and is expected to do even better. And Marvel's Captain America: Civil War looms large in May, threatening to outdo both of them. So superheroes are having a cultural moment right now, but they've actually been around for a long time. And because of that fact, superheroes have said some insane things in the comics over the years.
Superman was created in 1938, Batman in 1939, and Captain America in 1941. Spider-Man and pretty much every other Marvel hero first appeared in the first half of the 1960s. So that's a lot of history among these cultural icons, and not every word that's come out of their mouths has been a keeper like, "With great power, comes great responsibility," or, "It's not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us." A lot of what they've said has been groan-inducing, laugh-inducing, or both, so take a look at these 11 ridiculous things that superheroes have said in the comics.
1. "Yes, I'm donating 50 percent of the profits from my Aqua-Dolls to found a new seamen's home — to be called Aquaman's Home For Seaman!" -Aquaman
When he said this out loud, no one would have known that seaman had an "a" in it.
2. "And I have to show them I'm not a child molester!" -Green Lantern
This line is taken out of context — but that only makes it worse. Green Lantern was mentoring another Green Lantern named Arisia, who was a young girl who then used her powers to look like a full-grown woman and seduce Green Lantern, even though she's still really a kid. Green Lantern is basically OK with this, as long as no one thinks he's a pedophile.
3. "If girls want to be slaves there's no harm in that. The bad thing for them is submitting to a master or an evil mistress like Paula! A good mistress could do wonders for them!" -Wonder Woman
Yikes. Looks like Wonder Woman wasn't always the feminist icon she's known as today.
4. "Without my super ring I'm powerless — except from the waist down." -Green Lantern
In case it isn't obvious by now, Green Lantern is a huge pervert.
5. "If you remove his outer clothing, you'll be in for quite a surprise!" -Ant-Man
I'll take your word for it, Ant-Man.
6. "How'd you get so hard so suddenly?" -Spider-Man
He said this to Superman after he punched him, so stop being a pervert. You're as bad as Green Lantern.
7. "My feminine vanity won't let me pull off my eyelashes! I'll have to escape blindfolded!" -Wonder Woman
Ugh, "feminine vanity"? Wonder Woman, you're so much better than this.
8. "So! They laugh at my boner, will they?! I'll show them! I'll show them how many boners the Joker can make!" -The Joker
I know that the Joker is a villain, not a hero. And I know that in the olden days, the word "boner" actually meant "mistake." But come on.
9. "Gosh, Batman — remember this leather thong? It still has your teeth marks in it!" -Robin
This one... this one I can't explain.
10. "Quiet, or Papa spank!" -Batman
11. "Yes, Lois, I'm Superman! But a strange fate has changed my form. Now you and I must act out a modern version of Beauty and the Beast!" -Superman
Obviously that's what they have to do — what other choice do they have?
It's hard to imagine any of these lines making it into one of today's blockbuster superhero movies. Fans can complain all they want about the Green Lantern movie, but at least it didn't feature a disturbing subplot.
Images: DC Comics; giphy (10)