Prepare for 'Vampire Academy' With Best Quotes from 'Mean Girls' & 'Heathers'

The snarkiest take on the vampire movie trend, the Vampire Academy hits theaters Friday. While you may have rolled your eyes at the promise of yet another supernatural teen franchise, you should definitely give this film a shot — if for pedigree alone. The film boasts a sibling writer/director team already schooled in how to make a classic high school film. Mark Waters, director of Mean Girls, and his brother, Daniel Waters, writer of Heathers, are here to make sure that Vampire Academy doesn't suck. (Pun totally intended.)

Why do we love Mean Girls and Heathers with such passion? Probably because, in addition to being hysterical satires on cruel-girl-world culture, they are also amazingly quotable. Here are our favorite quotes from the movies that make us so thankful to be done with high school.

Images: New World Pictures; Paramount Pictures

Best Friends Forever!

Veronica: I just killed my best friend!JD: And your worst enemy. Veronica: Same difference.

Geography With Karen

Karen: But if you’re from Africa… why are you white?Gretchen: Oh my God Karen you can’t just ask people why they’re white!

Heather Chandler Is Not Anyone's Idea Of A Saint

Heather Chandler: Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, do I look like Mother Theresa?

Sex Ed 101

Coach Carr: Don’t have sex. You will get pregnant, and die.

Dear Diary

Veronica: Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west… wait east. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho.

Loaded Question

Regina: But you’re like, really pretty. Cady: Thank you. Regina: So you agree.Cady: What?Regina: You think you’re really pretty.

Always Pray In Your Time Of Need

Heather Duke: I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times and I felt bad every time I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah.

You're A True Friend, Regina

Regina: I know she’s socially awkward and weird, but she’s my friend so… promise me you won’t make fun of her?

The Most Important Meal Of The Day

Heather Chandler: Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?


Karen: I can’t go out… (fake coughs) I’m sick. Regina: Boo, you whore!

An Open Door Policy

Kurt: Hey Ram, doesn’t this cafeteria have a “No Fags Allowed” rule?JD: Well they, uh, seem to have an open door policy for assholes though, don’t they?

Dangling The Goods

Regina: Why do you wear your hair like that? Your hair looks so sexy pushed back. Cady, please tell him that his hair looks sexy pushed back.

Deep Thoughts From JD

JD: Chaos was what killed the dinosaurs, darling.


Damian: Taylor Zimmermann, two for you. Glenn Coco? FOUR for you, Glenn Coco! You go, Glenn Coco. And uh… “Caddy” Heron. Do we have a “Caddy” Heron here?Cady: It’s Cady. Damian: Oh Cady, here you go, one for you… And none for Gretchen Wieners, bye.

Grow Up

Heather Chandler: Grow up, Heather, bulimia is so ‘87.

Shut Down

Gretchen: That is so, fetch!Regina: Gretchen! Stop trying to make fetch happen. It isn’t going to happen!

Not Much of A Compliment

Heather Duke: Veronica! You look like hell. Veronica: Yeah? I just got back.

It's A New Scent

Janice: You smell like a baby prostitute.

We Are Not Rabbits

Veronica: All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.Veronica’s Father: I don’t patronize bunny rabbits!

Karen Has All the Channels

Karen: Well… I’m kinda psychic. I have a fifth sense.Cady: What do you mean?Karen: It’s like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it’s going to rain.Cady: Really? That’s amazing.Karen: Well… they can tell when it’s raining.

If You Wanna Soar

Veronica: Dear Diary. Heather told me she teaches people “real life.” She said, real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, yes. I said, you’re beautiful.

If It Walks LIke A Duck...

Cady: I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that’s only because I was acting like a bitch.

You Were Nothing

Heather Chandler: You were nothing before you met me. You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn. You were a Bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a Girl Scout Cookie.


Gretchen: I’m sorry that people are so jealous of me… but I can’t help it that I’m popular.

New Plan

Veronica: I say we just grow up, be adults, and die.

So Not Right

Karen: You know who’s looking fine tonight? Seth Mosakowski.Gretchen: Okay, you did not just say that.Karen: What? He’s a good kisser.Gretchen: He’s your cousin.Karen: Yeah, but he’s my first cousin.Gretchen: Right.Karen: So, you have your cousins, and then you have your first cousins, and then you have your second cousins…Gretchen: No, honey, uh-uh.Karen: That’s not right, is it?Gretchen: That is so not right.

So, What Are You Studying?

Brad: It’s so great to be able to talk to a girl and not have to ask “What’s your major?”. I hate that… So, when you go to college, what subjects do you think you’ll study?


Regina: Oh my God, I love your skirt! Where did you get it?Girl: It was my mom’s in the ’80s.Regina: Vintage, so adorable.Girl: Thanks.Regina: [after girl walks away] That is the ugliest f-ing skirt I’ve ever seen.

Life Advice

Veronica: If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn’t be a human being. You’d be a game-show host.

She's Totally Rich Because Her Dad Invented Toaster Strudel

Gretchen: I don’t think my father, the inventor of Toaster Strudel, would be too pleased to hear about this.