If you and your partner have been together for a while and marriage is on your brain you might ask yourself, “Why hasn’t it happened yet?” Very simply put — your partner might just not be ready. There are some signs your partner is not ready for marriage that should not be overlooked, especially if you’re someone who happens to be head-over-heels ready to spend the rest of your life with that person. It’s important to realize if you’re both on different pages, and if you’re anything like me, you’d likely rather know that for sure as soon as possible.
Chances are if you’re reading this article you might already have a tiny clue that your partner might not be ready for the big commitment. Perhaps it’s just that the question hasn’t been asked yet or you're not sure whether to ask the question yourself. However, there’s definitely a difference between dating someone who is taking time allowing things to move to the next level, and someone who might not be ready to marry you at all. For that reason, take a look through the signs we’ll talk about in this article. Some of these signs might strike a chord with you, and in that case — especially if you’re hoping to propose or be proposed to soon — it might be a good idea to sit down and have a conversation with your partner to see where they really stand, and where they see things going in the future. Here are six signs your significant other is not ready for marriage.
1. They Still Haven’t Introduced You To Their Family
Perhaps this tale seems familiar to you: A couple has been dating for a while and one partner seems to always hide the other from their family. Even when they make specific plans for the meeting to happen, somehow it all ends up falling through. Naturally, it puts stress on the relationship. However, not only is it generally frustrating, it can also be a very apparent sign that the relationship isn’t moving forward anytime soon.
I spoke to Mara Opperman, relationship etiquette expert and co-founder of the consumer-to-consumer marketplace for secondhand engagement rings, I Do Now I Don’t, who agreed this could be a sign your SO is not ready for marriage. Opperman said, "When your partner is serious about you, they want to bring you into their world and show you off to people that are closest to him/her. By not introducing you to their family, they're essentially saying they don't see you being in their future. In my opinion, if you want a long-lasting relationship, it is important to find a partner that wants you to have a publicly shared life."
2. Your Partner Is Spending A Lot Of Money On Themselves
You might be sitting home dreaming that your partner is building a mini savings for a ring soon, or if you're the one who plans on doing the proposing, that your partner is at least saving up for future purchases together — like a home. Meanwhile he or she is out spending large amounts of money on things like a new Mercedes or expensive sound system. If your partner is swimming in dough, it’s unlikely you need to worry. However, if he or she is making an average income, these sorts of spending habits might indicate that they aren’t saving for anything involving your future together, after all, says Today.com. According to Boca Raton matchmaker Carol Morgan who spoke to the outlet financially immaturity means that your partner is probably "thinking ‘me,’ not ‘we'".
3. They Have Some Serious Trust Issues
I don’t need to spend much time talking about the importance of trust in a relationship — we’re all aware of that. The problem here comes in when your partner is faced with some trust issues from his or her past, perhaps making it difficult to commit to you in the future. Essence said if your partner is having trouble breaking past that ability to trust you (even if it you, personally, have never done anything to make them question your faithfulness), it’s a sign they’re certainly not ready for marriage.
4. You're Never Mentioned In Their Future Plans
Major red flag alert: Your partner never seems to include your name when he or she is talking about their future plans. You’ll listen to them tell your friends about how he or she aspires to move across the country, or build a start-up, and where they see themselves in a few years, yet your name never enters the conversation. Likewise, when your partner is talking to you, they never insinuate things you’ll do together in the future.
Opperman agreed, "You can tell a lot about how committed your partner is by their capacity to not only envision a future with you but also to get excited about the possibility of your future together. If the subject of settling down, marriage, having children etc, comes up and your partner has difficulty discussing it, this may be time to contemplate the future of your relationship."
Opperman said even worse off is if your partner can't even plan a future vacation with you for next year, "Unless they are undergoing major life changes, this truly means they are probably not committed to you and your relationship."
5. He Or She Despises Going To Weddings
You get an invitation in the mail for your college roommates’ wedding, and you’re jumping for joy. Then, you get the exact opposite reaction from your SO — they might as well have cried tears of torture. According to Madame Noire, if your partner hates attending weddings, it could be a sign they are not ready for their own. Oppositely, though, the outlet noted if your partner is becoming more open to weddings than ever before, it might mean that they're becoming more open to the idea of marriage.
6. Their Track Record Shows They Don’t Tend To Get Serious
People change, yes, so if your partner was a player for years and now is getting serious with you, that's great. However, sometimes that past track record can speak volumes, according to Glamour. If your partner doesn’t seem to be taking your relationship very seriously, consider what they were up to before you started dating. Were they bouncing from casual fling to casual fling, and never committing to anything real? Glamour said this could be a sign of what’s to come with you, too. Again, it could be possible your SO simply did not click with anyone in the past that they’ve connected to like they do with you — so in that case, no need to fret. If you’re ready for things to move to the next step, though, and it’s just not happening, this could be why.
If any of these points seem overly familiar to you, you might be waiting a while before your partner is ready to propose, or is ready to say "yes" to a proposal from you. If you’re looking to tie the knot soon, remember though that’s there’s nothing wrong with having an open and honest conversation with you SO about your future to see where they truly stand. This might let you know exactly what’s going on with them — and despite the answer you get from them — at least you’ll be fully in the know on where your relationship stands.