We are in a golden age of sexual empowerment, especially for women, and it got me thinking about the things you’re likely to find in a sexually empowered woman’s bedroom. Sexual empowerment, to me, means owning my sexuality and reveling in it. It means loving my body and all of the crazy orgasmic things it can do, as well as celebrating the people, places, and things that help it get to new levels. It means being proud of my past as a sexual being, both the times that I was promiscuous and the times that I was monogamous, and it means always being open to exploration of new things.
OK, so I realize there’s a lot of overlap with sex positivity there, which makes sense because living sex positively is absolutely one of my personal ethical codes. The difference, I think, between sexual empowerment and sex positivity is that sex positivity is about being accepting of all sexual choices, as long as they’re healthy and consensual — including the choice to not have sex. Sexual empowerment, on the other hand, is about celebrating sex and your sexuality. Slight difference, but it’s an important one.
So how should the bedroom (and probably bathroom too, but “personal space” is hella vague) of a sexually empowered be stocked? Start off with these nine things.
1. A Sex Toy
If you don’t have a vibrator yet, get thee to the sex shop! Fact: A toy gets you off differently than a hand, mouth, or penis does. Even if in the end you find you’re not super into the kind of orgasms that you get from a vibrator, it’s totally worth checking out the options!
Also, this probably goes without saying, but the world of sex toys for women is vast and amazing. My personal favorite companies serving the sexually empowered women are Unbound (amazing subscription boxes), Crave (beautiful design), and everything at Babeland. Go salivate over what they have to offer. I’ll wait.
2. Empowering Outfits
I was going to call this section “sexy lingerie” but some women aren’t into lingerie but instead feel super sexy in, say, a threadbare tee or like, a Superwoman costume. Figure out what makes you feel the sexiest and treat yourself! My personal preference is lingerie and, let me tell you: I will drop a dime on nice underthings.
3. An Erotica Book (Or Five)
My first intro to erotica was a book I dug out of the bookcase in the hallway of my parent’s house. It was titled My Secret Garden and was like, 1970s era smut. I confess: That book was literally in pieces by the time I graduated high school.
Good erotica is a great way to explore your fantasies, as well as a boost when you’re looking to get off. And while the internet is a treasure trove, obvs, sometimes it’s nice to have an actual, physical book to hand.
4. A Least One Issue Of BUST Magazine
BUST magazine has been my third wave feminist bible since my dad bought a subscription when I was 12. I learned so, so much about what it means to be a sex positive woman who owns her sexuality — and also loves thrift store fashion and arts and crafts — from that magazine. I read the entire thing cover-to-cover and am always struck by how smart, insightful, and badass the women who write for and run it are. If you’re a sexually empowered woman and you haven’t subscribed yet? Remedy that.
Always be prepared to protect yourself. If you feel weird about buying condoms at the pharmacy (and look, I totally get it: I’ve gotten those weird looks from the bro behind the counter too) check out Lovability for beautifully packaged condoms that you’ll probably want to display on top of the bedside table rather than hiding them inside it.
6. Whatever She Needs For Her Particular Kink
Love those handcuffs? Super into latex? Get off on dressing up like a pony and galloping around the room? A sexually empowered woman knows if she has any kinks and has the tools the act them out. Pro tip: Get a “toy box” that can be stored under the bed if you have a lot of different things needed for you personal kink — and put a lock on it if you’re worried about curious children or snooping in-laws.
Whether it for anal sex, inserting a particularly girthy toy, or you just need a little help in the wetness department (shout to all the ladies on hormonal birth control!) make sure there’s a bottle or two of lube somewhere in the room. It’s one of those things that you don’t always think about but when you need it and don’t have it? Ugggggghhh.
8. A Towel
Wetness is a fact of life for a woman who’s getting off a lot. Save having to wash your sheets constantly by designating a few towels specifically for over-the-sheets, under-the-booty duty. Especially if you’re playing with that G-spot stimulator, things can messy. (And bonus! They can also do double duty with post-play clean up.)
9. Something For Clean Up
If that towel isn’t quite enough, consider getting your hands on some post-play wipes. They’re great if you can’t be bothered to get up immediately post-orgasm but aren’t into lounging around for long periods of time. Sustain makes some post-play wipes that are body-safe and chemical-free. Your vulva will thank you.
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