Marco Rubio Has Gone MIA. Here Are The Tweets I'll Always Remember Him By
March has been a whirlwind of a month for the presidential election: Ben Carson endorsed Donald Trump, Carly Fiorina endorsed Ted Cruz, and Marco Rubio suspended his presidential campaign. After losing the Florida primary, Rubio dropped out of the 2016 presidential election and left Republicans with Trump, Cruz, or John Kasich as the party's nominee. Surprisingly, though, since he dropped out on March 15, Rubio has gone dark on social media — he has only tweeted three times since then (all on the same day), and two of those tweets were responses to the Brussels attack. Rubio could come back to social media at any minute, but until he does, I'm going to reminisce on some of Rubio's best tweets throughout his Twitter history.
The difference between Rubio and me is that when something embarrassing or tragic happens in my life, Twitter is usually the first place I go to complain about it (or publicly shame myself). Rubio, on the other hand, has decided to be a ~mysterious man~ and stop tweeting his everyday thoughts. When I was in New Hampshire covering Rubio during the primaries, he repeated the same jokes during every stump speech, but I still think about one of them to this day because he referenced Twitter: "I'll lower taxes even for people who say mean things about me on Twitter!" Rubio would proclaim proudly from a tiny stage at every town hall and rally. Guess that won't happen anymore, since he's not even aware of people saying mean things about him on Twitter now.
Yo, Rubaeo, just because you suspended your campaign doesn't mean you have to suspend your Twitter activity! But what do I know, except basically everything about Rubio's really old, really funny tweets from before the 2016 election:
Rubio Will Not Eat Off The Ground
Dropping food (especially pastries) on the ground is no joke and clearly Rubio is not messing around with germs. One time, in 2009, he dropped his muffin on the ground at the airport. Instead of living a little and just eating the breakfast pastry that had landed where hundreds of thousands of people's dirty shoes have been, he went back and bought another like the quality citizen that he is. If Rubio couldn't handle a questionably dirty muffin, how on earth would he have confronted ISIS as POTUS?! I guess the world may never know.
He Tried To Be An Amateur Twitter Photographer
First of all, if the weather is nice enough to get in the water, who refers to it as the beaches being "open for business"? What kind of business transactions are happening at a beach? Asking for a friend, of course. Anyway, being the hip social media user he is, Rubio knew that a picture of said beach is better than just a tweet, so he linked to a TwitPic (what a throwback!) of some beach in Florida. The photo is pretty mediocre, but it was early 2010, so I guess Instagram filters weren't a thing yet. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Nothing But Football
Rubio made his love of football clear throughout the presidential election this year and he has subtly made it more clear that he's secretly a bro. These tweets prove that his love of football runs deep — so deep, he thought it was necessary to quote Rihanna and Jay-Z's "Run This Town" in one of his sports tweets. He even thinks there's such a thing as a "football universe," and to prove that he's the chillest bro, he obviously tailgates.
Cigars + Football = Best. Week. Ever.
I take everything back: This is the most bro tweet Rubio's ever sent. Because if you didn't smoke a cigar while watching the New York Jets lose their football game, are you even a bro, bro?!
Rubio Gets Political
In a break between tailgates and cigars, vintage Rubio used Twitter to get political in 2009. Sort of. I'm still not sure what "health care sausage making" actually means, but I'm guessing he's referring to Obamacare. Rubio should have kept up with his weird political metaphors throughout his campaign this year — but then he would've risked becoming known as the "sausage making" sound bite and that's just awkward.
This tweet is actually kind of sad. If Rubio was worried about being away from his family too much in 2009, it would've been difficult for him to handle the demands of being president. In any case, go micro Rubio for catching your first fish! Hopefully your dad put up a sick TwitPic of it for all his followers to see.
Rubio As An Amateur Journalist
When he was a candidate for a seat in the U.S. Senate, Rubio wrote an article for Politico. The article basically argued that it's not anti-Hispanic to oppose Sonia Sotomayor's appointment to the Supreme Court, but honestly, I'm over Rubio's ad hoc claim to his Hispanic heritage. It seems that he uses it when it benefits him, but doesn't focus on actually bettering the lives of and connecting with other Hispanics throughout the United States.
While in New Hampshire, I had the opportunity to ask him how he acknowledged his Cuban heritage in his everyday life (you know, since he told us the story of his Cuban parents coming to the United States every chance he got, but the story stopped there). He looked at me, listened as I asked my question, and when I finished he decided it wasn't worth answering and walked away to take a selfie with a supporter. Safe to say Rubio's Cuban heritage isn't something he's that interested in acknowledging, unless of course it benefits him or his campaign.
Forget EDM; Rubio Is A Fan Of Hip-Hop
There's a lot going on in this tweet: Rubio acknowledged that he's old and he revealed that he's a fan of old-school hip-hop. Specifically, he referenced LL Cool J's "Going Back To Cali," which he had to teach the young whippersnappers about since apparently a spoof called "Going Back To Tally" was created. Marco Rubio: More Than Just EDM.