Zayn Sings About Gettin' It On... A Lot

Do not let the sticky caps-riddled track list fool you — Zayn Malik’s Mind of Mine is not a tribute to all of us who used AOL Instant Messenger in the late '90s and early '00s. (Real talk: I would listen to the crap out of a CD about AIM. Could you imagine a track that really dug into the process of picking the perfect Buddy Icon? Sounds like a masterpiece to me!) So, what is Malik’s debut album all about? Here are a few of the album's recurring themes: love, heartbreak, getting sauced, sex, sex, and sex. Boy howdy, does the ex-One Direction dude sing about bonin’ a lot.

Hey, no shame in his game, absolutely no judgment here, I am always happy to see someone live their truth, et cetera. Mind of Mine’s lyrics reiterate what Malik has been saying for the last year: The “PILLOWTALK” singer’s PG-rated boy band days are but a glimmer in his rEaR vIeW mirror. The ridiculously handsome pop star has moved on to steamier pastures.

Speaking of steam, any chance you need to get a wrinkle out of your shirt but don't have an iron handy? These Mind of Mine lyrics should do the trick:

Song: “PILLOWTALK”

Steamy Lyric #1: "Climb on board/We'll go slow and high tempo/Light and dark/Hold me hard and mellow"

Oh. Oh, my.

Steamy Lyric #2: "Nobody but you, 'body but me/Body but us, bodies together/I love to hold you close, tonight and always/I’d love to wake up next to you"

*Blushes*

Steamy Lyric #3: "Yeah, reckless behavior/A place that is so pure, so dirty and raw/Be in the bed all day, bed all day, bed all day/F*cking and fighting on"

*Splashes face with cup of ice water*

Song: “wRoNg"

Steamy Lyric #4: "Clothes off cause she's so soft"

Zoinks.

Steamy Lyric #5: "I'll get her wetter than ever/Four letters are never the question/She likes when I’m messy/And I like when she’s undressing"

Zayn! You rapscallion!

Song: “fOoL fOr YoU”

Steamy Lyric #6: "When you're looking like this/I just can't resist it/I know sometimes I hide it/But I can't this time cause it's gonna defeat me"

... Did Zayn just make a boner joke? BRAVO!

Song: “BoRdErSz”

Steamy Lyric #7: "So take it off/Let's break down all of our walls/Right now I wanna see it all/I don't wanna cool off/So let’s cross the lines we lost/Right now I wanna see it all/You were right on the border"

I tell ya, these lyrics are not for the faint of heart.

Song: “TiO”

Steamy Lyric #8: "I just want to watch you when you take it off/Take off all your makeup, baby take it off/I just wanna watch you when you take it off/Take off all your clothes and watch you take them off"

I...

Steamy Lyric #9: "Take it off, take it off/Baby just take it off/Take it off, take it off"

I am....

Steamy Lyric #10: "I just can't wait to see it all/I’m so turned on/And it's all mine"

I am verklempt.

Song: “BLUE”

Steamy Lyric #11: "I need her body/Needs me too"

You don't say?

Song: “BRIGHT”

Steamy Lyric #12: "I light her like dynamite/Load her like gigabyte/Turn out the f*cking lights/I wanna see you bright"

Call me immature, but "Load her like a gigabyte" has me in stitches.

Song: “LIKE I WOULD”

Steamy Lyric #13: "He won't touch you like I do/He won't love you like I would/He don't know your body/He don't do you right/He won't love you like I would/Love you like I would"

Hnnnnnnngh.

Song: “SHE DON’T LOVE ME”

Steamy Lyric #14: "I think I know she don’t love me/That's why I f*ck around"

O RLY?

Steamy Lyric #15: "I want you/Your body/I want you/Your body on top of mine"

Is that so?

Steamy Lyric #16: "Should we wait 'til the morning?/See it loud in your eyes/Can't escape what I'm feeling/Your body on top of mine"

Well, then.

With lyrics like these, who needs travel steamers, am I right? (And no, that isn't a weird euphemism.)

Images: julieneverland, zaynsmk, urbanxdeity, fifthaesthetic, little-zquad, gif-weenus, lupitalover, difficileignorarti, the-mindofmine/tumblr