John Oliver's Candy Conspiracy Theory Is The Only One You'll Ever Want To Hear — VIDEO
Conspiracy theories have been around forever, and more often than not, they're completely ridiculous and unbelievable. Whether it's alternative ideas about the September 11 attacks or claiming that all of Kanye West's songs are tributes to the Illuminati, conspiracy theories can sometimes be so absurd that they're actually comical. That's why John Oliver's theory about Cadbury Creme Eggs is the only conspiracy video you need to watch, because he knows he's making an insane claim about everyone's favorite Easter candy, and he admits that it makes no sense.
Oliver's show, Last Week Tonight, was on hiatus this past weekend because of the Easter holiday, so instead he released a web exclusive video on Sunday to share his own theory about Easter candy. The four-and-a-half-minute video starts out by talking about the trend of YouTube conspiracy videos, which Oliver explains range from people arguing that the Illuminati designed the Denver Airport to others swearing that Katy Perry is actually JonBenet Ramsey, the six-year-old beauty pageant queen who was murdered in 1996. (Yikes.)
No matter the content of the theories, people all over seem to really enjoy making them up. Whether they're about people or places around the world, the creators of these videos only further confuse society and (they hope) attract a few new believers along the way. However, Oliver proved that the best way to present an effective conspiracy theory is to just admit the absurdity and, of course, to intentionally make people laugh at the ridiculousness.
In the video, Oliver explains his jealousy whenever he watches a conspiracy theory video. First, he says that he's overcome with a sense of disbelief and insists that the conspirator must be joking. Second, he says that he's jealous "at the sheer scale of imagination required" to believe such conspiracies. (It does take a lot of creativity to convince 12 percent of the population that lizard people run our government.)
Recognizing the power and influence of these videos, Oliver decided to make his own, but only after he figured out the two qualities that great conspiracy theories need:
- "A wild claim that something we take for granted is actually the responsibility of aliens or U.S. presidents who are also robots."
- "An eye for incredibly specific detail and an ability to make wild accusations with complete confidence."
And so emerged Oliver's epic Cadbury Creme Eggs conspiracy video, which is so ridiculous that it might just wor- no, never mind, no one in their right mind would actually get behind this.
According to Oliver's hilarious video, the reason Cadbury Creme Eggs show up on the market every year can only be explained if you "follow the money," and not because people actually like them. It spirals out of control pretty quickly: Oliver first makes a comparison between the weight of a Cadbury Creme Egg (34 grams) and the number of streets in the popular Christmas movie Miracle On 34th Street.
Then, Oliver somehow gets from the iconic five golden rings associated with Christmastime to Germany, because gold is primarily produced there. The Cadbury Creme Egg corporation is based in the United Kingdom, which is just a "quick and affordable flight" from Germany. Sooner or later, Oliver asks the question that everyone was thinking: "But what does gold in Germany have to do with candy in Britain?" Nothing. It literally has nothing to do with everyone's favorite Easter chocolates.
The best part of Oliver's video is when he introduces the Illuminati angle. Apparently, these chocolate eggs were originally sold as "Fry's Creme Eggs":
Why did they change their name? What were they running from? Maybe it was their true identity. "Fry" F-R-Y. Three letters. Three. Like a triangle. Now you cut it in half and put it in that triangle. What does that look like? The Illuminati eye.
And there you have it, kids: the only conspiracy theory you'll ever need (or want).