During part 1 of the Vanderpump Rules reunion, the cast gabbed about Tom Sandoval and Kristen Doute’s relationship status (DONE), Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix’s relationship status (alive and kickin’), Stassi Schroeder’s SUR employment status (no more), and Stassi Schroeder’s Scheana Marie bridesmaid status (the offer has been rescinded). It was a jam-packed, intense hour.
Fully aware that we needed a moment of cheer before the special drowned itself in Kristen's tears, host Andy Cohen asked Stassi which cast member is the freaky-deekiest. She didn't say maybe-sex addict Jax Taylor. O RLY? Go on, Stassi. I'm all ears.
After Stassi answered, Katie Maloney and Sandoval offered up info about Tom Schwartz’s feet fixation. ACK, FEET. I understand that everyone has different preferences/things that get ‘em going. Do you, boo. Do you. No judgment here. But as open-minded as I am, I have the opposite of a foot fetish. Feet really gross me out. And people interacting with each others' feet makes me anxious. The toe-sucking scene from The 40-Year-Old Virgin ? Not my favorite. I hate pedicures. I rarely wear flip flops. The thought of someone touching my feet makes my skin crawl. The thought of touching someone else’s feet makes my skin sprout legs and sprint away. But to each their own!
Why am I like this? No, a disembodied foot didn't steal my lunch money in middle school or something. I don't have a concrete reason. It may not be rational, but I simply can't stand feet. So listening to the VR cast discuss Schwartz’s obsession with feet/the phrase "licking your toe jam" really did a number on me.
So, which Vanderpumper is the kinkiest? “I feel like Katie,” Stassi replied. “The conversations that we’ve had…”
“Reasons why will stay between her and I, because that’s just girl code, but… probably.” Katie admitted.
“[During a fight this season] you told the girls that [Tom] Schwartz better be sucking your toes and licking your toe jam,” Andy said. “And you said it in a way that made me think that that was something that goes on.”
“Schwartz does have a thing for feet,” Sandoval offered.
“He did, actually,” Katie said. “When we first started dating, I’d be like, ‘You want my toes…? I don’t know about that.’”
“Katie, do you have one of those forehead dildos?” Sandoval asked. I don't follow the feet-fetish-to-forehead-dildo jump he made, but okay.
“No!” Katie responded. “It goes on your mouth.”