Entertainment
'Pump Rules' Emoji Must Happen
It wasn't until I listened to the latest episode of Stassi Schroeder's semiweekly podcast that I knew what my cell phone has been missing this whole time. And that something is a set of emoji that does not exist (and may never exist). On Thursday’s ep of Straight Up with Stassi , Schroeder was joined by Vanderpump Rules costar Scheana Shay, and the reality TV stars discussed their show, friendship, the iconic song that is "Good As Gold," crop tops, and a thousand other terrific topics. However, the true highlight of the conversation happened when Schroeder floated an incredible proposal by Shay: They should make Vanderpump Rules emoji.
Without missing a beat, the ex-enemies immediately launched into an emoji brainstorming session: Schroeder said Katie Maloney’s illustration would include a tequila bottle, Shay imagined Tom Sandoval’s would be “anything emo, like the long hair to the side from 15 years ago,” Schroeder visualized a woman holding a dagger for her own emoji, and so on. As I listened, I nodded along aggressively. I could not be more on board with this.
Once they assigned emoji to all of their fellow Pumpers, Schroeder and Shay moved on to another convo topic. The Pump-moji chat was over.
I, on the other hand, was not ready to leave the Pump-moji chat behind (and quite frankly, I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to leave the Pump-moji chat behind). I wanted to keep imagining a world in which a Pump Rules emoji set exists. And keep on imagining that world is what I did. Did I spend some time dreaming up a few more Pump Rules emoji? Maybe I did, maybe I did.
...OK, I definitely did. Here's my Pump-moji wish list:
- Ken and Giggy the Pomeranian
- The guitar from the "T.I.P." music video
- The alley behind SUR
- A Capri Sun
- SUR's Pride parade float
- An Uber receipt
- Tom Sandoval's couch
- Booze-filled tampons
- A Beemer selfie
- Jax’s chunky knit sweater
- The SUR restaurant sign
- The Bacon “A” tattoo
- The “Stassi” tattoo
- The “It’s all happening” tattoo
- A properly polished SUR glass
- The sunglasses
- A DVR box
- Kristen's green dress
- Gordo Von Friendenheimer
- A bottle of LVP Sangria
- Peter’s pirate hat
- Scheana's crop top wedding dress
- A SUR bandana dress
- A SURver pouch
- Jax's open bathroom door
- A freshly shaved forehead
- Miami Girl
- A Pump Sessions CD
- A pair of ginormous hoop earrings
- A glass of pinot grigio
- SUR deep fried goat cheese balls
If Pump-moji ever became a real thing, it would be my primary method of communication.
