Entertainment

'Pump Rules' Emoji Must Happen

by Kristie Rohwedder
Craig Barritt/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

It wasn't until I listened to the latest episode of Stassi Schroeder's semiweekly podcast that I knew what my cell phone has been missing this whole time. And that something is a set of emoji that does not exist (and may never exist). On Thursday’s ep of Straight Up with Stassi , Schroeder was joined by Vanderpump Rules costar Scheana Shay, and the reality TV stars discussed their show, friendship, the iconic song that is "Good As Gold," crop tops, and a thousand other terrific topics. However, the true highlight of the conversation happened when Schroeder floated an incredible proposal by Shay: They should make Vanderpump Rules emoji.

Without missing a beat, the ex-enemies immediately launched into an emoji brainstorming session: Schroeder said Katie Maloney’s illustration would include a tequila bottle, Shay imagined Tom Sandoval’s would be “anything emo, like the long hair to the side from 15 years ago,” Schroeder visualized a woman holding a dagger for her own emoji, and so on. As I listened, I nodded along aggressively. I could not be more on board with this.

Once they assigned emoji to all of their fellow Pumpers, Schroeder and Shay moved on to another convo topic. The Pump-moji chat was over.

I, on the other hand, was not ready to leave the Pump-moji chat behind (and quite frankly, I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to leave the Pump-moji chat behind). I wanted to keep imagining a world in which a Pump Rules emoji set exists. And keep on imagining that world is what I did. Did I spend some time dreaming up a few more Pump Rules emoji? Maybe I did, maybe I did.

...OK, I definitely did. Here's my Pump-moji wish list:

  1. Ken and Giggy the Pomeranian
  2. The guitar from the "T.I.P." music video
  3. The alley behind SUR
  4. A Capri Sun
  5. SUR's Pride parade float
  6. An Uber receipt
  7. Tom Sandoval's couch
  8. Booze-filled tampons
  9. A Beemer selfie
  10. Jax’s chunky knit sweater
  11. The SUR restaurant sign
  12. The Bacon “A” tattoo
  13. The “Stassi” tattoo
  14. The “It’s all happening” tattoo
  15. A properly polished SUR glass
  16. The sunglasses
  17. A DVR box
  18. Kristen's green dress
  19. Gordo Von Friendenheimer
  20. A bottle of LVP Sangria
  21. Peter’s pirate hat
  22. Scheana's crop top wedding dress
  23. A SUR bandana dress
  24. A SURver pouch
  25. Jax's open bathroom door
  26. A freshly shaved forehead
  27. Miami Girl
  28. A Pump Sessions CD
  29. A pair of ginormous hoop earrings
  30. A glass of pinot grigio
  31. SUR deep fried goat cheese balls

If Pump-moji ever became a real thing, it would be my primary method of communication.