This "Smartress" Mattress Can Catch Cheaters

Debating over what mattress to buy can be stressful as there are many different options to take into consideration. For ultimate comfort would you prefer gel, memory foam, trusty spring — or how about a mattress that can catch cheaters?

Smarttress, which is in the process of being manufactured by Spanish company Durmet, promises to quell worries of infidelity and may soon be coming to a bedroom near you. The mattress sends a notification to your mobile phone when your mattress is being “used in a questionable way.” It won’t alert you to when your partner is taking a nap, but it will let you know if there is any insidious bouncing going on. And, yes, this is a real thing, people.

Durmet has released a promotional video explaining the inner workings of this smart mattress. Sensors that emit ultrasonic waves are embedded in the springs. The mattress will send your phone all the dirty details of your partner’s frolic between the sheets — from pressure points, to intensity, duration, and “impact per minute.” Can you imagine watching a graph in real time of your partner’s sexual conquest? Well, now there’s an app for that too coming soon to both the Apple App Store and Google Play. While most queen mattresses cost well under $1,000, Durmet is offering this plush peace of mind to the tune of $1,750.

The intense promotional video warns viewers of the “Global infidelity crisis,” blaming the proliferation of dating sites and apps for the rise in cheating. The company offers cold comfort with the slogan “If your partner isn’t faithful, at least your mattress is.”

While worries of infidelity may hound some couples, is shelling out for a Smarttress really the answer? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that if you have so little trust in your partner that buying this mattress seems like a good idea, then you need to break up with them NOW.

The mattress concept has been met with skepticism by most tech blogs. They point out that a quick peek under the fitted sheet will show a wayward mate the brand of mattress, and then they can just change their cheating habits. For instance, they could get a hotel room (or, you know, don’t cheat).

I wouldn't recommend buying this expensive boxspring to catch a cheater either. If you want to go full 1984, there are so many other equally intrusive and still cost-effective ways to do that — like installing hidden cameras or snooping through your SO's email and text.

This is not to say that the Smarttress does not have many other viable uses. I do think that this intelligent mattress would be perfect for control freaks who Airbnb their apartment, and want to monitor how many times strangers bang in their bed while they are away. Overprotective parents could install this mattress in their teenage children's bedroom, so they always know the perfect time to bust in. Or couples could use the app like a fitness tracker, measuring the exact time and duration of their lovemaking.

Actually, please don't do any of those things. So creepy.

Images: Durmet/YouTube