There's some tough competition, but, when it comes to The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Jazzy Jeff was one of the best characters and clearly a leading comedic force. His character's appearance was scarce and precious, sometimes only showing up to set up a ballsy one-liner and be thrown out of the house by his best friend's uncle, but that limited screen time just made the moments he did show up for all the more magical. In fact, there's a cornucopia of poetic excellence to be found in the very best Jazzy Jeff Quotes, with wisdom that goes beyond basic common sense, a lonely heart which provides him with a lyricism of pick-up lines, and a sharp wit which can cut even the toughest of exteriors. Jazz was the King to Will's Prince.
But I'm already getting a little ahead of myself here. The truth is that, though Jazz always got the loudest studio applause whenever his aloof grin appeared at the door of the Banks' mansion, he could also be a bit of an ass. He was constantly chasing and chatting up women, could be obnoxiously vulgar, and just couldn't help himself from making fun of poor Uncle Phil. Is it any wonder that guy got thrown out of the house most episodes? But take away a lot of that context and you know what? Jazz reveals himself to be quite the philosopher.
If you don't believe me, then take a look at some of these philosophical gems and let Jazz take you on a guided existential tour of the mysteries of love, hygiene, economics, and the universe.
1. On Hygiene
The directions on the shirt said "Hand Wash." So that's exactly what I did. Before I put the clothes in the washer, I washed my hands.
Why It's Deep: Because, my dearest friends, the universe is super literal. It doesn't play games. If it tells you "hand wash," then you best believe that it means "hand wash." Even if that's completely wrong.
2. On Investments
I'm just trying to protect your investment. After you guys put a couple million dollars in this place, it'll be worth thousands!
Why It's Deep: Because, money, right? Sometimes you can put a tiny pile of money into something and get a massive tonne of money back and other times the reverse can happen. Either way, Jazz gets that all money is good money.
3. On Childbirth
Making a baby truly is a blessed event.
Why It's Deep: Because most people only celebrate the act of childbirth, but you know what? The making of babies is also pretty awesome. It truly is blessed.
4. On Banking
They closed my account. They said I was writing bad checks, but my checks were completely legible.
Why It's Deep: Because sometimes the banking system is just not fair, you guys and it penalizes people for not following "the rules" correctly and that's totally not fair.
5. On Making An Exit
Well, I guess I better be going but I guess I'm too stupid to find the door.
Why It's Deep: I mean, doesn't this line just perfectly summarize the daily frustrations and uphill battles of everyday life? It speaks to me on so many levels.
6. On Being Deluded
Your mouth is saying "get out" but your eyes are saying "get busy."
Why It's Deep: Ah, the language of an unspoken and pretend romance. But, you see, eyes can't speak — they can only shoot tiny death rays at people who can't take a hint. So listen when a lady says "no" and always, always respect her, capiche?
7. On Life Goals
One look from you is more precious than gold; let's go get some BBQ and get busy.
Why It's Deep: Who needs gold when you can have a BBQ and a little love.
8. On Confusion
Poker? You mean this isn't Go-Fish?
Why It's Deep: Because life is one gigantic game of poker where you've been accidentally playing Go-Fish the whole time.
9. On Compliments
Mrs. Banks, ever since you had that baby, there's something different about you.
Why It's Deep: The universe is legit rewarding, and, when you give a little to it, it gives something back in return. Mrs Banks was probably vibing some glowing, new baby realness (or was possibly just played by a totally new actress all the sudden. Something like that...)
10. On Loss
She fell apart in the shower.
Why It's Deep: Whoa. What is this? A Joy Division song? Or is it just Jazz just talking about the Whitney Houston cardboard cut out that he used to have?
11. On Science
Wow, gravity. What a rush.
Why It's Deep: Life is like spinning around a load of times and feeling super excited and then standing still and feeling a big rush of elation, dizziness and sometimes, slight nausea. And, occasionally, you hurt yourself and then regret everything.
12. On Calling BS
Don't try to impress me with your fancy education.
Why It's Deep: A fancy education doesn't make you a good person. Things like being a BBQ king and wearing sunglasses indoors, though? That does.
I really hope you were sitting down for all of that, because your mind must be blown wide open right about now. What a man.
Images: Warner Bros. Television (9); Giphy (5)