Quick, lunge for a pen and paper. In later years, in happier times, the world will want to know: where were you when you found out that Robert Pattinson and FKA Twigs allegedly postponed their wedding? Because, apparently, an insider revealed to In Touch that the aesthetically-blessed pair, who were supposed to be getting hitched this summer, are reportedly no longer, because "Rob called it off." The insider went on: "It's been a long time coming. They were fighting all the time." The anonymous source then added that "Rob felt trapped," and the wedding plans were reportedly a "major drag" for him. (Bustle has reached out to both Pattinson and FKA Twigs' camps in response to these reports, but has not yet heard back.)
According to In Touch, singer FKA Twigs allegedly revealed a side of herself that Pattinson wasn't so into during wedding planning, too: "[She] isn't the girl for him. She's very jealous and he was sick of having to explain himself," the insider added. "He's still young and just decided he wasn't ready to settle down."
If the source is telling the truth about the way things went down — in my extensive experience as an entertainment journalist, I do have to say it's necessary to take these things with a grain of salt — it's important for FKA Twigs to do the right thing in these painful weeks following the breakup. Namely, lock something down with a new person as soon as humanly possible so she can win the battle of the exes. So, let's review who I personally, as an enthusiastic and semi-talented matchmaker, would pair FKA Twigs with from the celeb world.
Um, hello? Alternative R&B musician paired with OTHER alternative R&B musician? How could it go wrong? Well, sure, there's Abęl Makkonen Tesfaye's well-documented allergy to being in a functional relationship, but aside from that, they're both good-looking, 20-something experimental musicians who don't mind getting vulnerable in their art, so I'm going to give this at least a 4/10 chance of going somewhere.
I mean, FKA Twigs could definitely do worse than dating Robert Pattinson's onscreen love rival from Twilight, Taylor Lautner. This would simultaneously do the world's female population an important public service, allowing us to live vicariously through her and decide, once and for all, who the better romantic choice is. Also important for confirming whether or not Lautner starts sprouting fur when there's a full moon.
He's English, she's English. He's single, she's single. I rest my case.
Yes, he's much older than her. Yes, he already has a wife, the lovely Grace Hightower. Yes, he resides on a completely different continent to her. But! There is one key reason why this pairing would work, despite the odds stacked against them. This would mean that whenever anyone tentatively asks FKA Twigs "And... have you seen Rob?" or "How're you feeling about Rob?" she can respond with the wide-eyed excitement of a new religious convert. That's right. She could Eternal Sunshine Pattinson via a partner with the same damn name.
While, if these rumors are true, I would obviously be very sad for both FKA Twigs and Robert Pattinson in the midst of their romantic bereavement, this sorrow would also be tempered by the excitement of watching FKA Twigs absolutely and definitely getting with someone on this list in the next two weeks. Watch this space, ladies and gentlemen. I called it first.