Miley Cyrus' "Bangerz" Meets Sochi Olympic Figure Skating Costumes
Miley Cyrus has officially kicked off her kicked off her Bangerz tour, and it's shaping up to be a cross between a possessed Hundred Acre Wood and an LSD-flavored guide to cultural appropriation and self-objectification. While she has the music, the backup dancers, and Rolf's hair from The Sound of Music, Cyrus is missing one crucial ingredient that will take her from shocking to truly show-stopping: figure skating costumes from the Sochi Olympics. Once she has incorporated these costumes into her show, Miley will truly be able to shoot for gold every night. At the moment, however, she seems more inclined to roll in cash on the floor.
So, what role will these figure skating costumes play? Not only will they enable Cyrus to grind and gyrate for hours without worrying about a wardrobe malfunction, they will endow her with the sweat and passion of their Olympian owners. Think of it as the Sisterhood of the Traveling Unitard. Cyrus alone will be able to bridge the gap between the international allure of the Olympics and the down-home draw of pelvic thrusting. Why else would she kick off her tour in Vancouver, the site of the last Winter Olympics? Clearly, the Bangerz agenda will only be completed with a shipment of gently used figure skating costumes. Let us take a look, then, at which costumes Cyrus should wear with each of her iconic songs.
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