I love Game of Thrones. Like, a whole lot. So trust me when I say that it pains me to criticize the show on an issue that is neither character nor plot related. It's a bit petty, really. But I think it needs to be said. So, here we go: Game of Thrones needs to turn on the lights, or else I am sending them my ophthalmologist bill. For real, GoT powers that be, it's super hard to squint for a straight hour every week because your episodes are so freakin' dark.
And don't even get me started on the fight I had with my hairdresser sister over Sansa's actual hair color, because I couldn't truly see it, given the dark shadow following her around from place to place. I don't like losing fights. So, you see, right off the bat, I have about a few million axes to grind over this pressing issue, and I need to voice my displeasure. I hate to complain, but I can't just sit here and grumble any longer. I feel like I need to do something about it. It's what Khaleesi would do. I know it.
Game of Thrones needs to lighten up, literally, and here are 39 reasons why. At the very least, the show needs to get me a pair of nightvision googles.
1. When The Night's Watch Expected Jon To Read In The Dark
What gives, bros?!
2. When The Brightest Thing In The Room Was Jaime And Cersei's Hair
Even the candles are dim.
3. When Mance Rayder Was Being A Creep
Or, at least that's what it looks like when someone just chills in the dark.
4. When We Weren't Sure If Mance Rayder Was Killed Or Not, Because We Couldn't Really See
5. When Arya Was Trying To Remember What The Sun Looked Like
I feel you, girl.
6. When Shireen Blended In With The Scenery
Gray, gray(scale) everywhere.
7. When Margaery And Tommen Were Playing Hide And Seek
I'm kidding... sort of.
8. When Myranda And Sansa Were... Wait, What Were They Doing?
Who even knows. I can't see.
9. When The Wall Of Faces Was Indistinguishable
10. When Arya Was In A Dark Abyss
Or the House of Black and White, or whatever.
11. When Myranda Had Night Vision
It's the only explanation for her being able to shoot an arrow in that situation.
12. When A Pivotal, Character Progression Was Happening To Arya, But We Couldn't Tell
13. When Ramsay Was Even More Menacing In The Dark
14. When Sansa And Theon Were In What Should've Been An A+ Hiding Spot
I'm calling bull on GoT's continuity here. They were well hidden in all that shade.
15. When Davos Was A Floating Head
16. When The Top Of Balon's Head And The Side Of Yara's Face Were The Only Things That Made It Into A Scene
Better than no Greyjoys in a scene, I guess.
17. When The Three-Eyed Raven's Cave Was At Its Cave-iest
So dark. So on brand.
18. When Balon And Euron Braved Hazardous Travel Conditions
They were lucky that no cops (or trolls) were manning that bridge.
19. When Roose Bolton Died
But there was no difference between the lighting in Westeros and the afterlife.
20. When The North Probably Should've Invested In Some Better Street Lighting
Someone give the guy a hand.
21. When Jon Woke From The Dead
And his pale, lifeless body was the only thing illuminating the room.
22. When Arya Was In Yet Another Shadowy Scenario
What's the point of a close up when you can't see the person even if they're up close?!
23. When The Torch Situation Was An Actual Joke
The worst part is, this is actually fairly lit for a room in Westeros.
24. When Riccan And Osha Might've Been Wearing Matching Duds
It's difficult to decipher, but the dark blobs covering their bodies look way similar.
25. When Just Enough Sunlight Filtered In For Jon To Read
But not for us to not have to squint.
26. When The Greyjoys Were Legit Two Shadows
...Not in the Melisandre way.
27. When Tommen Found The Place That Most Looked Like Night During The Damn Day
Come on, Tommen!
28. When The Lighting Matched Cersei's Overall Demeanor
29. When Maggy The Frog's Eyeliner Matched The Scenery
30. When The Waif Was Weirder As Ever
Standing in the dark, next to a dead body. Totes normal.
31. When Sansa Looked Like She Was A Death Eater
A long dark cloak, skulking around dungeon corridors, sounds about right.
GoT, I'm tired of watching the show with a match in front of my screen. Help a girl out.
Images: Helen Sloan, Macall B. Polay, Hannah Murray/HBO