Dad's Panicked Texts To His Wife = #ParentingGoals

by Dasha Fayvinova

Babies are really hard — don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And nothing proves that quite like this text exchange between a mom and dad after their kid vomited. This now viral exchange is a look into the life of a parent that most of us do not get to see until it's too late. You hear about it from friends and family, but I imagine from how hilariously and quickly this dad's situation escalated, nothing is ~quite~ like experiencing it for yourself.

The story you are about to read up on comes from Ben Patterson, a father trying to give his wife a day off with friends. For those of us non-kid-having folk, it's hard to imagine having the responsibility of taking care of another human besides you every day, and often we forget how little time for fun there is. Ben Patterson was just trying to be a good husband, and things went real south, real quick when his son upchucked in the back of the car (as children are wont to do).

While trying to clean up the mess in the backseat of his car, Ben, a sympathy vomiter, also started to throw up. I knew a lot of people in college who were sympathetic vomiters, which is why I was usually the one taking care of my friends after a night of drinking — I do not vomit, no matter what. Alas, Ben was not gifted with the same vomit tolerance, so off he went ... On a neighbor's front yard, no less. Across the street from the car. The story only escalates from there, and even involves law enforcement.

What made this so viral was the fact that Ben Patterson was texting his wife updates the entire time, and like a woman who finally got a moment of peace she deserved, she was ignoring all of them. (Or, judging by the green color of the texts, she just wasn't getting them yet.) I can just imagine the look on her face after seeing all of those notifications on her phone screen.

Then she opens it and this is what she sees:

A photo of your child covered in vomit is probably nothing new — seeing that there are maybe 20 messages right after was what could have freaked her out. I used to be that way with my mother because she would send me 11 texts at once. I would freak out, rush to open my phone and then see that it was just her telling one story with 11 sentences. Anyway, Ben's story continues ...

Clearly things are escalating. Shout out to the lady who called the cops! Honestly, better to be safe than sorry. No child's life should be in danger. Also — he was throwing up on her lawn, so I feel her on this.

"ANSWER YOUR PHONE!!!!" That had me laughing so hard! But all's well that ends well, because Ben has one helluva good parenting story and we all got a good laugh. And just look at the cuteness of that vomiting perpetrator! Here's hoping that the next time it happens, they aren't in a vehicle ... because as anyone who has ever been near a small child knows, vomiting is not a matter of "if" so much as a matter of "when".

Images: Facebook/Ben Patterson, Pixabay