13 Signs Your Roommate Is The Problem, Not You
It can be tough living with roommates, but almost everyone has to do it at some point in their lives. In the last nine years, I've had nearly a dozen roommates and homes, so needless to say, I've experienced every sort of quirk and qualm that comes with sharing your home. Whether you're living with friends you've known your whole life or strangers from the internet, you're bound to have some issues under the same roof.
There's no rhyme or reason when determining a good roommate. Sometimes it's the people who you're most similar to that you clash the most with. Sometimes people who live completely different lifestyles and have opposite interests end up making the best roommates because you balance each other out and stay out of each other's hair. It totally depends on what your home life values are and how you respect and regard the people you live with. When it comes down to it, it's all about communicating and compromising. You don't have to be best friends with your roommates, but you do have to have a healthy, functioning relationship so that you can make the home a peaceful place that feels welcoming to you both.
But it's not always smooth sailing. Sometimes it takes a lot of push and pull to get into a good space with your homies. If you're having trouble getting along with your roommates or making your home feel comfortable, these are some signs that you need to work things you with your roommate, because they're the problem:
You're Always The One To Initiate
Whenever something is up between the two of you, you know that if you don't say anything, they won't bring it up. It's a pain to know that the only way things are going to get resolved is if you step up and start the process. It doesn't feel much like a team effort.
They Only Text To Talk
They don't have the guts to talk to you in person, so they passively text you or leave you notes when they need to communicate. So much is lost in translation this way and it makes it really difficult to get anything accomplished.
You Feel Like You're The Only One Who Cares
For whatever reason, it always feels like you're the only one who's really bothered when things aren't peaceful between the two of you. Your roommate just seems to go on with their life, shelving the situation while you're at home sulking.
You're Both On Eggshells
When you do interact, you're both scared to say the wrong thing. You don't want to make things worse. so you say as little as possible rather than just fixing the issues by delving into a serious conversation. It's exhausting to be overly-polite all the time.
They Come Home Late And Leave Early
They have no interest in spending time at the house. They leave before you're even up in the morning and they wait to come home late at night after they know you're asleep.
They Avoid Interactions
If they hear you walking down the hallway, they'll wait to leave their room. They don't want to get stuck with you in the kitchen. You always hear their door creeping open only after yours is shut. They make you feel like a leper in your own home.
You Hear Them Complain To Their Friends
"How's the situation going with your roommates?" You might hear their friend ask them over the phone. If things are tense enough at home to be classified as "a situation" they're clearly dire enough for you to have a conversation about it. A problematic roommate is more likely to talk to their friends about it to vent than they are likely to talk to you.
You're Uncomfortable In Your Own Home
The tension is so thick, you feel uneasy when you're home. If you're both under the same roof your skin is crawling with anxiety. Home is no longer the place you go to relax.
You're Always The One To Stock Up
If the paper towels run out, if the garbage bags are used up and if the soap dispenser is empty, it will stay that way until you replenish the supply. Your roommate is not interested in being an active part of the household and taking care of it. You're basically on your own, but paying for the two of you.
If You Don't Clean, The Mess Will Stay
Dishes tend to hang out in the sink for days. There's toothpaste on the bathroom mirror. There's food in the drain. There's mud on the kitchen floor. If you don't clean it, it will stay there. Your roommate isn't concerned with helping out.
They Never Communicate Regarding Their Guests
You're constantly being woken up in the middle of the night when your roommate stumbles home with a train of friends behind them. They never text you a heads up and on many mornings, you wake up with a stranger on your couch.
You're Always Thinking About It
You're constantly stressed and needing to talk to your friends about it because the anxiety your home situation causes for you is too much. You need it to change, but it takes two to tango. You won't rest until your roommate starts to care and get involved in fixing things between you.
You Have To Bend Your Life Around Theirs
The only way for you to make the living situation work is to do whatever your roommate wants and shape your life around theirs. They don't care about what you're sacrificing, they just care about getting what they want. They'd never go out of their way to make your life easier, and yet you find yourself doing it for them all the time.
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