Heather Dubrow's House Is Almost Done

Remember when Real Housewives of Orange County stars Heather and Terry Dubrow threw that hoedown-themed groundbreaking party on the plot of land where their future abode would exist? (That seemed like a lifetime ago, right? Get this: It was only 2013.) Well, the two reality television personalities will soon have a reason to throw a hoedown-themed housewarming soirée: the Dubrows' palace is almost finished. Finally.

How do I know the impressive and meticulously designed mansion is just about move-in ready? Because Heather said so. On Monday, the Heather Dubrow’s World host Instagrammed a photograph of her future home’s exterior and told her followers that it was "SO CLOSE" (h/t BravoTV.com). In the pic, we see a sliver of the enormous manor. And I have some questions for said sliver:

  1. What in the Casterly Rock is that bridge next to the balcony all about?
  2. Where does it go?
  3. What is its purpose?
  4. Is this house full of bridges?
  5. Wait, is it even a bridge?
  6. Or is that railing not a railing, but a decorative carving?
  7. Is that a lemon tree I see?
  8. If so, did Shannon Beador have anything to do with that decision?
  9. Pop quiz: How many lemons should be in a bowl at the same time?
  10. Or is that a kumquat tree?
  11. If so, did last Sunday’s episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians have anything to do with that decision?
  12. Pop quiz: How many kumquats should be in a bowl at the same time?
  13. What’s that turret in the upper lefthand corner?
  14. Is that a watchtower?
  15. Or is that a chimney?
  16. Or is that a tiny, impractical attic?
  17. If so, is there more than one tiny, impractical attic?
  18. Seriously, what is that thing?

I gotta know what that watchtower is all about. I hope that mystery will be addressed by the inevitable hour-long Dubrow house tour episode of RHOC (don't let me down, Bravo!).