Remember when Real Housewives of Orange County stars Heather and Terry Dubrow threw that hoedown-themed groundbreaking party on the plot of land where their future abode would exist? (That seemed like a lifetime ago, right? Get this: It was only 2013.) Well, the two reality television personalities will soon have a reason to throw a hoedown-themed housewarming soirée: the Dubrows' palace is almost finished. Finally.
How do I know the impressive and meticulously designed mansion is just about move-in ready? Because Heather said so. On Monday, the Heather Dubrow’s World host Instagrammed a photograph of her future home’s exterior and told her followers that it was "SO CLOSE" (h/t BravoTV.com). In the pic, we see a sliver of the enormous manor. And I have some questions for said sliver:
- What in the Casterly Rock is that bridge next to the balcony all about?
- Where does it go?
- What is its purpose?
- Is this house full of bridges?
- Wait, is it even a bridge?
- Or is that railing not a railing, but a decorative carving?
- Is that a lemon tree I see?
- If so, did Shannon Beador have anything to do with that decision?
- Pop quiz: How many lemons should be in a bowl at the same time?
- Or is that a kumquat tree?
- If so, did last Sunday’s episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians have anything to do with that decision?
- Pop quiz: How many kumquats should be in a bowl at the same time?
- What’s that turret in the upper lefthand corner?
- Is that a watchtower?
- Or is that a chimney?
- Or is that a tiny, impractical attic?
- If so, is there more than one tiny, impractical attic?
- Seriously, what is that thing?
I gotta know what that watchtower is all about. I hope that mystery will be addressed by the inevitable hour-long Dubrow house tour episode of RHOC (don't let me down, Bravo!).