In the name of everything that is sacred and decorative, I don’t know HOW Real Housewives Of Orange County's Heather Dubrow spent more than $500,000 on cabinets in her new house — but, apparently it's possible, and she did. On Monday night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County , the Queen of Champs admitted to her husband (at a party celebrating her new line of sparkling wine, I should add, which seems like a super weird place to drop this financial bomb), that they were...wait for it... $135,000 over budget on their cabinets. That’s right: OVER budget. So how much did the cabinets end up costing them, her husband asked?
Oh — just little over half a million dollars.
Listen, I can suspend my disbelief about everything that is reasonable and sane in the world while watching any episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County. In fact, that’s sort of the best thing about watching them. But when I heard the amount that the Dubrows were spending on cabinets, I was utterly baffled. My first thought, of course, was, WHAT ARE THOSE CABINETS EVEN MADE OF?
My second thought, then — DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU COULD DO WITH THAT KIND OF MONEY?
I have to admit: As a writer with stacks of student loans, I heard that number and couldn’t even focus on the rest of the episode. Instead, all I could think about was ALL OF THE THINGS I could buy with $500,000 — because it turns out, you can buy A LOT.
Break out your calculators, guys: It’s time to put that high school math to good use. Here are just some of the endless options of things Dubrow could have bought with that much money:
1. Enough Cabinets For 10 Kitchens
I don’t know a thing about home renovation, but there’s this handy calculator from Home Depot online that allows you to estimate the cost of kitchen cabinets — so I picked the biggest size kitchen with the tallest cabinets and the most expensive wood I could think of...and it still only came out to $50,000. Again I ask: what exactly are the Dubrows' cabinets made out of?
2. A Whole Other House
Like a really, really nice house — in fact, depending on where you live, you could buy MULTIPLE houses with $500,000.
3. A 416-Year Membership to Tamra Barney’s Gym, Cut Fitness
That’s about 5,000 months of gym membership, in case you were wondering.
4. 62,500 Bottles of Nail Polish
Because I measure everything in bottles of nail polish.
5. A Lot Of Cake
And worth every penny.
6. 625,000 Oranges
That’s based the standard price of sale at a local market — 5 for $4.00.
7. 250 Months of Rent in New York City
That’s right, for the cost of Heather Dubrow’s cabinets, you could live in New York City for 20 YEARS if your rent was $2000 per month.
Now excuse me while I spend the rest of my day bitterly measuring all of the things I can’t afford against those cabinets.
Image: Giphy (7)