13 Signs You Are Trying Too Hard In A Relationship

by Kaitlyn Wylde
couple, socializing
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At any age, you might find yourself in a relationship that feels more stagnant that you'd like it to. But when you get into your late 20s, you'll notice that the people who you know in relationships are having serious "sh*t or get off the pot" crises. Because if you're evaluating whether or not a relationship is strong enough to commit to for life, the criteria becomes a little bit more specific.

Some relationships are no-brainers — you're 100 percent sure that you and your partner make a great team and you both look forward to the same future. That, or you're 100 percent sure that it's not going to work out long-term, and you're just enjoying it for what it is while you can. But then there's that murky middle ground. That grey space. The relationships that are filled with positives but also sprinkled with too many negatives. You love this person, but there always seems to be an issue. You have a great time together, but there always seems to be a problem you're working through. The relationship as a whole starts to look like a never-ending work in progress that leaves both parties perpetually unhappy.

Love is surely hard work, and any long-term couple will tell you so. But there is a line between putting in effort and trying too hard. That line, unfortunately, can be incredibly thin. It's that line that people in their late 20s might start to look for when looking ahead. These are 13 signs you're trying too hard in a relationship:

Your Arguments Don't Get Resolved

You can't ever seem to end on a positive note. Your fights end simply because you can't stand to fight any longer. You rarely walk away form an argument feeling resolved or hopeful.

You Feel The Need To Get Away

Sometimes you get so frustrated when you're talking to each other that you want to get away, rather than fix it. Your body just wants to run to the door rather than endure another moment of fighting. You don't want to deal with it — you want to be alone.

You Always Have Dramatic Update For Your Friends

Every time you see your friends, you feel like you have a garbage truck's worth of trash to unload for them. There's always a fight to catch them up on. Always something to complain about. You never come to them with good news, or no news.

You Feel Anxiety When You See A Message From Them

Because things are always so rocky between the two of you, when you see a message from them, your gut fills with anxiety. You know it's not going to be a simple "how's your day, babe?". You know it's going to be the beginnings of a new argument or the remnants of an old one.

When You Try To Meditate, Your Gut Brings Them Into Frame

It's really hard for you to clear your mind and feel free and at ease. Whenever you quiet your thoughts, your unfinished business seems to pop up and haunt you.

You're Always Working On Something

You and you partner are constantly working on some type of mediation. Maybe you're trying to be better a communicating this week. Maybe last week you were trying to be better at staying in and not partying. Maybe the week before that, you were trying to be better about making time for each other in bedroom. While it's normal to work at a relationship, with you guys it's always, always, always something.

You Can't Answer Yes Or No Questions About Your Relationship

When people ask you about your relationship, a huge question mark floats into your field of view. The answer is always complicated and triple-sided and conditional. You dream of a day you might be able to say "Everything is good, no complaints!"

You Admire Other Couples, A Lot

You find yourself paying a lot of attention other couples. You can't stop noticing how easy it seems that everyone else has it. You find yourself window shopping for traits you admire in other relationships and dream about them materializing in your own.

You Convince Yourself It Will Get Easier

A part of you knows you're in denial, but you can't help but try to convince yourself it might get better. No one can know, it's always possible, and you're hanging on to that possibility for dear life.

Without Intervention, Nothing They Do Makes You Happy

You constantly need to be telling your partner how to do things because if you don't, you're unhappy with their natural behavior. You're convinced that they need your guidance to behave appropriately. You're not willing to consider that you just might not be an organic match.

You Initiate Every Progressive Conversation

If you don't start the conversation, it won't happen. Even if the conversation turns out to be very helpful, you're the only one in the relationship with enough foresight to know that a conversation needs to take place.

You Always Have A List Of Grievances

You can't help but keep a rolling list of issues you have with your partner. You're not a nag, you're not even a negative person — but you can't help but stack up all of your grievances so that they're ready to fire if brought into question.

You Can't Watch Romance Movies

You used to love watching romance movies. You'd compare the early stages of your relationship and your heart would become warm and wide. Now, these movies irritate you; you don't believe love can ever be easy, and think the movies are fantasies that make you feel even worse about your relationship.

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