Even though the new season of Dancing With the Stars has yet to begin, based off recent reports, I've already come to the conclusion of who amongst the alleged competitors will dominate the dance floor and win the coveted prize. As unlikely as this may sound, I truly believe that The Real Housewives of Atlanta star NeNe Leakes could actually win DWTS. Please know that I've made this declaration with no bias whatsoever, despite the fact that I'm not exactly her biggest fan. Much like Leakes' personality, my stance may sound a bit over the top, but here's why her winning the whole thing isn't such a far-fetched idea:
SHE USED TO BE A DANCER.
Leakes has never shied away from her exotic dancer past, as she admitted to it on Housewives and in her autobiography, Never Make the Same Mistake Twice. Even though Dancing With the Stars isn't exactly in the same, er, genre, surely her prior experience will help her remember to keep her back arched and toes pointed. As a result, this will make things easier on her partner, impress the judges, and ultimately ensure her victory.
GOOD GUYS FINISH LAST.
Sure, this may be a cliché but when it comes to Leakes, it's fact. Don't fight me on this guys, I know of what I speak. Everyone loves a villain, even if it's mixed with a slight amount of hate. And no matter how much Leakes doth protest and blames bad editing for her onscreen behavior, she couldn't be any further from a "good guy." Simply because being bad has worked to her benefit in more ways than one, I'd say she has this competition safely in the bag, vacuum-sealed and stored securely alongside her extensive collection of wigs.
SHE'S A PROFESSIONAL AT DESTROYING THE CAREERS OF HER CO-STARS.
Leakes is like no other housewife in history when it comes to employing underhanded, mean-girl tactics to get her way. Just look at what happened with some of her former co-stars. Kim Zolciak, anyone? And then there was Sheree Whitfield, who was unapologetically dismissed from the show (allegedly at Leakes' beckoning). Since her departure, she has reportedly suffered an unfortunate series of personal and professional mishaps, including several failed attempts at remaining famous. If Iyanla can't undo Leakes' evil spell, who can? Even Leakes' on-again-off-again husband Gregg clearly got the memo to straighten up and fly right, or risk being hurled from the NeNe gravy train. If the other Dancing contestants know what's best for them and their careers, they'll humbly step aside and let the reality TV star walk away with what I'm sure she already believes is her much-deserved win.
SHE HAS SIGNATURE SOUND EFFECTS TO ACCOMPANY HER ROUTINES.
If all the other tricks from Leakes' arsenal of awfulness fail, imagine how awesome it would be if she punctuated each step of her dance routines with one of her quirky sound effects. A typical twirl around the dance floor may go something like this:
Twirl and point and dip and "bloop!"
Plié, leap, and spin and "blonk!"
SHE COULD TOTALLY BRIBE THE JUDGES.
Leakes could actually pull this one off, making her the first Dancing competitor (who we know of) to successfully pay off the judges and buy herself a win because after all, she is "very rich."