As with every major political event, the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia will draw a number of protesters. Many of them will be supporters of Sen. Bernie Sanders who feel that Hillary Clinton should not be the party's nominee. But not all Sanders supporters present to protest will be outside the convention room; a group of pro-Sanders delegates are planning to protest on the floor as Clinton formally accepts the nomination on July 28. And their message will be... potent: They'll tell the Democratic Party to cut the crap by cutting the cheese.
That's right — a number of politically active adults will be holding a "fart-in" at the DNC during Clinton's big moment. According to U.S. News & World Report, Cheri Honkala, national coordinator for the Poor People's Economic Human Rights Campaign and 2012 Green Party vice presidential nominee, is spearheading the butt-centric effort. "It's really a shame — this whole thing does stink," Honkala actually said. "Democrats and Republicans are like Pepsi and Coke. They listen to corporations, and they don't listen to anti-poverty activists."
Honkala and her partners-in-farts don't just want to stink up the convention room — they want to take Philly down with them. They have been stockpiling donations of several varieties of beans, NBC News reported, not just for delegates to consume ahead of the convention's final day of proceedings, but for protesters outside as well. They'll be setting up a shantytown named "Clintonville" in Kensington, an impoverished Philly neighborhood, where citizens can mow down in preparation. Leftovers will go to those experiencing homelessness.
According to Truthdig, Honkala plans to invite Sanders to the big bean dinner, which she is calling "Beans for Hillary." The dinner will be held on the afternoon of July 28. The timing of the early dinner will give delegates' large intestines ample time to convert those oligosaccharides into breakable wind as Clinton takes the stage. It is unlikely that Sanders, who endorsed Clinton two weeks ahead of the convention, will fart in protest during her acceptance speech, a move that would go down in the books as the best revocation of an endorsement in human history.
Although Honkala divulged to NBC News that she is partial to baked beans with bacon, she was tight-lipped about how many other delegates would be farting in. We're also mired in mystery concerning whether their technique will include coordinated crop-dusting for maximum impact or if a more stationary tactic will be employed.
The nomination of the former FLOTUS and prospective POTUS will be punctuated by flatus. This is as good a way as any to end the 2016 primary season.