What do you buy for the sex nerd in your life who has everything? Consider adding this to their dildo hutch: "Pokemon Go" sex toys. Yes, the four-week-old augmented reality mobile game has already inspired porn, baby names, Craigslist casual encounters, and its own dating app, but now you can enhance at least three out of those four experiences with four new dildos from Australia-based company Geeky Sex Toys. As they state on their website:
"As self-proclaimed geeks, our aim is to change the stigma around adult toys by re-imagining them in a fun and nerdy way. Combining pop culture with sex toys, we are creating a remarkably entertaining and pleasurable experience."
According to Mic, they've had Pokemon toys in the works for awhile now, but once "Pokemon Go" fever hit, they decided to speed up production. And it's paid off! Geeky Sex Toys reports overwhelming demand.
The new range of toys is cheekily titled Pokemoan (get it?) and has four 100 percent silicone insertable toys, ranging in price from $50-$69, and inspired by four different characters — Bulbasaur, Charmander, Squirtle, and Pikachu. While they definitely feel like sex toys of the decorative novelty variety more than anything else, here's a completely subjective ranking of them based on practicality, if you're really dying to get down and dirty with your Pokefriends.
1. Piky
Piky is advertised as an "anal Pokémoan," who is "a perfect size for the average Pokémoan trainer" and "an extremely cute yet essential addition to your team." It's not clear to me whether Piky has the 3-inch base recommended for an anal toy not to get accidentally, um, lost, but he does have a really cute tail you can hold on to for dear life?
2. Bulby
Bulby is probably the most realistic looking dildo of the bunch, with a whisper of balls at the base. But its uber-bulbous head is probably going to be its main draw for would-be Pokemoan trainers.
3. Charmy
Charmy seems to have an awfully narrow base that probably wouldn't be super harness-compatible, and the shape of its head also seems tailor-made to stab your cervix to death. But as the slimmest of the Pokemoan collection, it would probably be the most comfortable fit.
4. Squirty
While Squirtle definitely has the best sex joke potential as a Pokemon, the toy inspired by him seems poorly conceived. "Squirty has a smooth round head with a large grooved turtle shell on its back," lists the website. Presumably, that grooved shell is intended for G-spot stimulation, but the angle of the head doesn't totally make sense for that to be the case? And those grooves would be a pain to clean. Squirty would probably best be suited for someone who enjoys the sensation of feeling super full.
Happy hunting?
Images: Geeky Sex Toys (4)
