I promised myself I wouldn't give him any more of my time until he just dropped the damn album, but there's something we need to talk about. What is Frank Ocean's live stream about? The dude full on promised us that his highly-anticipated sophomore studio album Boys Don't Cry would be released by the end of July 2016, but I couldn't help but notice that Jul. 31 rolled over almost without comment, and our boy Ocean missed yet another deadline. Which is why, when he started a live stream on his website on Aug. 1, I'm embarrassed to say my first thought was, "it's finally here it's finally happening this is the moment here we go." I was just so excited to see some movement in his camp that I forgot all the times he's burned me before, and trusted him again right away with my whole heart.
It's not yet clear whether or not that was a poor decision, but it should also be stated that Ocean never explicitly said what this live stream was for. Obviously, my fingers are tightly crossed that there will be an announcement or a release buried in all of this, but we really don't know. At the end of the day, Frank Ocean is our god now, and he can really do whatever he wants with us. So, while you wait for something to actually happen — as of this writing, he or someone, is toiling away in a brightly-lit warehouse, the strains of background music mixing with the sound of buzzsaws — here are nine theories on what this live stream is all about.
1. It Could Be The Album
Please, please, please let it be the album, or an announcement about the album, or really anything at all that gives me cold hard facts about this album we've all been waiting for for so long. Maybe he'll spell out the new release date on the floor with these little pieces of wood he's cutting?
2. It Could Be A Single
Honestly, I'll take whatever I can get right now. I'm not above this being one song. It's not my first choice, but you know what they say about beggars and choosing.
3. He Could Just Be Trolling Us
This could be what Frank Ocean was planning on doing today anyway, and he just thought he'd let us watch, since we're obviously so wrapped up in his everything.
4. It Could Be An Art Movie A La Lemonade
Is it so wrong that I suddenly want every artist to release their own Beyoncé-inspired saga detailing their life experiences in catchy, mind-blowing detail?
5. It Could Be Promotion For Another Artist He's Working With
If you're out there, lucky artist, could you please speak up and give us some answers about what's happening here? Whoever you are, I can't wait to check out your upcoming album of ambient sounds and buzzsaw noises, featuring Frank Ocean.
6. It Could Be A Glimpse Into What He's Been Doing That's Making The Album Take So Long
Which has been cutting wood and trolling us, obviously.
7. He Could Be Building A Studio To Start Recording This Album
I. Will. Pop. Off.
8. It Could Be Something To Distract Us Until The Album Comes Out
Like that's gonna work. Oh crap, oh crap camera angle change, I will redouble my efforts to ignore work and focus on this.
9. We May Never Know
Truly this could just be another blip on the radar, and we could learn absolutely nothing.
At the end of the day, you need to make your piece with the fact that you're choosing to spend your day watching a live stream for no stated purpose, and with no clear goal. Maybe you'll get rewarded for that dedication with an actual update of some kind, and maybe this is how we all die — watching a video and waiting for Frank Ocean to do something.
Images: Apple Music (2); Giphy (2)