After one of the worst seasons of the Bachelor in the series' history (or was it the best? I can't tell), we've finally reached the end. Juan Pablo chose Nikki Ferrell because he "really likes her," and Clare Crawley went home a runner-up, yet a hero. But the "After the Final Rose" special, that was the most shocking event all season. Juan Pablo wouldn't admit that he loves Nikki; Nikki wouldn't admit that she cares that Juan Pablo won't admit that he loves her; and the audience just sat there awkwardly, mouths-agape, waiting for some goddamn clarity. Then, just when you thought things couldn't get more confusing, Chris Harrison asked Juan Pablo to reveal "his surprise." So! What was Juan Pablo's big "After the Finale Rose" surprise?
According to spoiler master Reality Steve, ABC asked Juan Pablo to propose to Nikki on "After the Final Rose," going so far as to offer him money to pop the question. J.P. obviously declined to do so, but there was an incredibly uncomfortable moment when Harrison turned to Juan Pablo and prodded him about this alleged surprise. J.P. explained that he told the producers that there wouldn't be a "surprise," then there was some silence, and then we all just let it go.
The non-surprise hung in the air like Nikki's finale earrings: big and uncomfortable, but ultimately, irrelevant. There was no proposal, no surprise, no nothing. When you think about it, it was the most fitting ending this disaster of a season could hope for. It went out with a whimper, just as it came in.
Ees okay, everyone. The Bachelorette is back May 19 and we won't have to hear about Juan Pablo's surprises ever again. We hope.