Bill O'Reilly is Furious with Beyonce & "Partition" For Some Ridiculously Absurd Reasons

This should come as no surprise, but Fox News personality Bill O'Reilly is not a fan of Beyonce's latest music video for the sex-drenched, slinky song "Partition." But it's not just his expected distaste for the sexy video that nabbed our attention, it's the way in which he attempts to justify his claims. Get ready for some epic eye rolling, everyone.

While O'Reilly had music mogul Russell Simmons on his program to talk about his book Success Through Stillness, which is about peaceful mediation, O'Reilly took this as an opportunity to connect music -- an entire industry for which Simmons is expected to serve as a spokesperson — to teen pregnancy. It's not a leap, you see, because Beyoncé is super-naked in that "Partition" video, so naturally all the girls who look up to her are basically running around the streets of America, looking for limousines so they can have sex in the back seat with the nearest dude who's unwilling to wear a condom. Of course that's how it works because O'Reilly said that's how it works and he's never wrong.

Luckily, Simmons refuses to participate in this inane "debate" — he does however, explain the part where sex is a real thing that happens in life sometimes, because apparently O'Reilly's not clear on that. But that doesn't keep the host from attempting to prod him into a reaction with some of the most unfounded claims about our Queen Bey that we've ever heard.

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And because we can't handle this information alone, we've found a cathartic way to deal with this nonsense now swirling around in our heads:

Claim 1: Beyoncé was "brilliant" when she sang the "Star Spangled Banner" at the Super Bowl... in 2004

Sure, go ahead and act like everything Bey has done between now and that 2004 performance is irrelevant. That's not short-sighted at all.

But you're right about one thing. She is brilliant.

Claim 2: "Partition" Glorifies Sex in the Back of a Limo

Sure, if you're a 15 year-old boy who can't get past the first 30 seconds of the video without excusing yourself for a "bathroom break." Grow up, man.

Claim 3: Beyoncé Should Know Better When There Are Teenage Pregnancies and "Fractured Families" Out There

Excuse me? Are we supposed to hop on board with the idea that Beyoncé singing about having a sexual relationship with her husband — you know, the guy who's actually running a rather large chunk of the music industry these days — is a willful attack on those who would stem teenage pregnancies or aim to keep families from becoming fractured? Is he suggesting that teenage girls are so in awe of Beyoncé that if they see her simulating sex — with her husband — that somehow the entire foundation of family life will crumble? Are we getting an unwanted glimpse into what it's like to be married to O'Reilly? No sex tonight, honey. Might encourage some youths to do it without a condom and produce millions of unwanted babies. That's how it works, right? I'm not really clear on this whole biology thing.

To be blunt: hell. no.

Claim 4: It's Beyoncé's Job to "Protect Children" by Not Putting out "Exploitive [sic] Garbage" That She Knows "Harms" Children

First of all, nothing Beyoncé does is garbage, so take your garbage opinion and keep it somewhere where it won't harm any impressionable children. Second, since when is it Beyoncé's "job" to "protect children"? Is it also Jay-Z's job? Or Kanye West's job? Is Justin Timberlake charged with not riling up the kids with his sexual lyrics because he might cause teenage pregnancy? Somehow, Beyoncé makes a sexual song and accompanying video — like male rappers and R&B artists have done for decades before her — and she's held to some motherly standard of protecting America's children from her own sexual desires and gyration. With all due respect, Mr. O'Reilly, screw that.

Claim 5: "Beyoncé having sex in the back of a limo and referencing Monica Lewinsky is art?"

Yes it is. End of discussion.