How To Change Your Negative Attitude Toward Dating

by Lindsay Tigar

As the daughter of an astrologer, I’m no stranger to all of the new age ways of thinking. In fact, things like ‘my aura’, ‘energy stones’, ‘rising sign’, and ‘psychic abilities’ are all part of the typical conversations I had over the dinner table growing up. While it might seem a little out there (it is, at times), there’s also something wildly comforting about letting the universe guide you instead of always fully believing that we’re in total control of our destinies. I’m not entirely sure what I believe in that sense, but I do prescribe to the notion that whatever you think (and say) on a daily basis changes your perspective on love.

And if you’re part of the crowd that calls those thoughts (and actions) ‘energy’ — then you might wonder how you change that negative energy toward dating into a more positive one. The idea is that if you can transform your headspace, then you can likely attract something better than the duds you’ve been meeting or swiping right on.

“When it comes to dating, the word energy is synonymous with the word attitude. Your energy about dating reflects how you feel about it—whether you have a positive or negative outlook, and whether or not you’re enjoying yourself. You can’t fake it!,” empowerment coach and energy intuitive, Melinda Lane Fisher explains to Bustle. “Something like 95 percent of communication is non-verbal, so if you’re frustrated about dating, feeling hopeless, turned off, or are harboring old resentments, it’s going to show.”

So how do you cleanse your energy? Here, self-identified psychics and intuitive readers explain:

1. Examine Your Beliefs

“To clear your energy for dating, you might start with examining your beliefs. Do you believe it’s possible to meet your soulmate? If not, why are you wasting your time? Do you believe there are men or women out there that live up to your standards? Then why are you dating beneath them?,” Fisher suggests. “Clarify your beliefs first, and examine messages you are telling yourself that are creating negative energy. Consider more positive beliefs you can adopt.”

2. Trust Your Gut

“If anything feels forced, it is not meant for you. This doesn’t mean you or that other person are ‘bad’, it simply means you are not a great match and you certainly deserve a great match,” angel intuitive Christine Alexandria tells Bustle. “Keep in mind, any relationship is an ebb and flow situation with an ultimate goal of true balance of energy; support, love, joy all bundled into the perfect package for you.”

3. Get Rid Of What Doesn’t Serve You

“Once you’ve established a positive outlook about your dating prospects, eliminate whatever isn’t consistent with your revitalized beliefs. The magnet on your fridge that says something disparaging about men—a ‘joke’—has got to go. The mug in the cupboard featuring a ‘comic’ about naggy women goes, too. These are examples of items that reinforce negative beliefs,” Fisher tells Bustle. “Likewise, put away pictures of the ex that broke your heart. Replace them with a picture of the happiest couple you know, or a pillow with the name of a city you’d love to visit with your beloved.”

4. Take Your Time Before A Date

If you’re rushing to send a few last e-mails and touch up your lipstick before heading to a date, you might start the date feeling frazzled and stressed. Instead, when you’re meeting someone for the first time (or for the first date), it’s important to come from a place of calm so you can hear and recognize your feelings toward them. “Take your time before each date. Treat your body like the temple it is; adorn yourself with clothes that enhance you, not just look good. You will feel more confident and that raises your sense of worth through the roof,” Alexandria says. “Place your hands over your heart and breathe. Inhale, hold for four counts, exhale. This helps keep you in your center and not get swayed easily by outside forces of what you ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ do.”

5. Don’t Be Afraid To Manifest What You Want

It can be scary to have hope — especially after so many failed dates and experiences — but you know what’s worse? Being completely bitter and upset about it. Instead, try thinking of ways that you can remind yourself of what is surely to come. “Buy a romantic card that represents the way you want to feel about your sweetheart once you meet him or her. Write them a letter telling them why you love them, and mention their outstanding qualities specifically,” Fisher suggests. “This will allow you to get excited about meeting the right person, which creates more positive energy that will attract the man or woman of your dreams.”

Images: Fotolia; Giphy