It’s been less than 24 hours since Britney Spears released Glory , and my head is already spinning about the identity of this man on the moon she sings about in — you guessed it — “Man On The Moon.” So far, there’s been plenty of speculation that the “Oops... I Did It Again” astronaut is the “Man On The Moon,” and that’s probably not it because that video took place on Mars. In fact, with Britney performing at the 2016 MTV Video Music Awards, I think it is fair to wonder if the “Man On The Moon” is the MTV Moon Man.
Of course the implication behind that would be that Britney is trying to return to her throne as the Queen of the VMAs, and that would make for a fun twist on an otherwise basic-sounding love song. I think we’d all want to give Britney an award — even a consolation prize — for referencing her career in such a tongue-in-cheek way. But is this really what’s happening, or are we giving her too much credit?
I think it’s fair to say that we should look at all the evidence before we make any snap decisions. For your consideration, check out these lyric snippets that support this theory.
Case One: "I Can't Compete With The Stars In The Sky/ I'm Invisible, Invisible"
Britney was possibly the first, if not just among the first, of an onslaught of blonde pop princesses. You had her, Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, Mandy Moore, and then probably a bunch of other forgettable randos. Obviously, Britney was the stand-out powerhouse of that group, but with each coming year, she fades more and more into the background. Not only are there so many different pop stars, but there are also so many different ways to be a pop star these days. Being Britney Spears carried our girl for a while, and being Britney Spears is certainly enough to sell tickets at her Las Vegas residency, it's not as successful out in the real world. At least, not as much as it used to be.
Case Two: "Houston, I Know There's A Problem Here/ Must Be A Hole In The Atmosphere/ Baby, I Wanna Be Closer To Love"
When you unpack all those space metaphors, you could get a very straightforward request to make a hit album. Like, the hole is, essentially, the element missing from the most recent chapters of her discography. And as for wanting to be "closer to love"? At this point, Britney might just wanna get the hell out of Vegas and start touring worldwide.
Case Three: "Last Night I Was In Your Arms So Strong/ One Small Step And Baby, You Were Gone/ Now There's Meaning In The Saddest Songs/ All I Do Is Cry And Sing Along"
I think this one is spelled out pretty clearly: the other night, Britney was dreaming that she was being cradled in the arms of a giant moon man. Ever since then she's decided to forgo autotune and ensure her next ballad knocks Adele's "Hello" out of the goddamn park. Duh.
Case Four: "Drinking Alone In My Party Dress/ Would You Come Back If I Looked My Best?"
This time around, Britney wants to re-emerge at the VMAs looking nothing short of iconic. We're talking the levels of her red cat suit, her sheer bedazzled number, quite possibly a boa constrictor in an eccentric shade... if she can slay it on her comeback performance, she'll be picking up a Moon Man for sure next time around.
So really, is Britney yearning for a return to her former pop princess glory? Yeah, definitely. Is that what this song is about? Um... OK, perhaps it's a stretch, admittedly. Regardless, we couldn't be more stoked to see her slay it at the Video Music Awards Aug. 28!
Images: Giphy (4)