Regina & The Wicked Witch Are Sisters — So Now Everyone On 'Once Upon A Time' Is Related
Because we definitely needed more characters to be weirdly related on ABC's Once Upon A Time — the Evil Queen and the Wicked Witch of the West are apparently sisters. Last week's OUAT midseason finale set us up with the new villain but apparently her vendetta is more about sibling rivalry than wanting to be evil. We've never wondered why it was necessary to have characters be related in strange ways on OUAT — but on Sunday night we really need to ask, "Is this necessary?"
At this point, everyone on Once Upon A Time is related. That's not even an exaggeration — there are more characters than you can count on one hand that are somehow related. Which was fine up until now because NOT EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE RELATED FOR A SHOW TO BE GOOD. Just saying, Kitsis and Horowitz. Sure, sibling rivalry is a great jumping off point for a Wicked vs. Evil battle but is it necessary to convolute the ever-growing OUAT family tree even more? Not really.
On Sunday night, in the flashback to the Enchanted Forest, Regina and Robin Hood (why we aren't focusing on their relationship instead of introducing ANOTHER family dynamic, I'll never know) broke into her castle. Regina broke the protection spell so Snow and Charming could come back home and then decided that she was going to take a leaf out of Maleficent's book, but instead of pricking a princess' finger, she'd put herself into an eternal slumber instead. Her heart is really broken about Henry, guys. Unfortunately for her, misery loves company — and that company wants her to suffer, so no such luck.
The Witch Witch appears, congratulates Regina on breaking her spell on the castle and Regina's like, "How did you break my blood magic," to which she replies, "Yeah, about that, we're related." And here we go with this nonsense again. Apparently, Cora didn't feel like her eldest daughter could handle the weight of royalty (and was embarrassed about that pesky green skin) — so she banished her to Oz. And the Witch (her name is Zelena) is pissed and jealous that her younger sister got all of the "love" from their mother and reaped all of the spoils of being Rumpelstiltskin's favorite. Too bad she doesn't realize that Cora just tormented Regina for her entire life. You got off lucky, girl.
Anyway, so Regina has a sister who wants to "take everything" from her so she can feel her same pain of abandonment. Which is fine, but we still want to know why they HAD to be related. Because as of now, here's what the family tree looks like:
Great Great Grandparents: Cora & Pan
The two worst parents on this show by far. Who both just used their children as means to an end.
Step-Great Grandparent: Regina
She ended up being Henry's mother for awhile when she adopted him which is really weird in its own rite.
Grandparents: Snow, Charming, & Rumpel
Snow and Charming put Emma in a magic tree that sent her to the real world to fend for herself while Rumpel was so obsessed with power that his son, Neal/Baelfire ran away and jumped into a portal to escape his father. Again, great parenting.
Parents: Regina & Neal/Baelfire
Not really the best parents either — they were con-artists when Emma got pregnant, the Neal had her take the fall for him, she went to jail, and then gave Henry up for adoption. What's with the parents on this show?
Not really as messed up as he should be — but his head is full of fake memories, so how messed up could he really be? In Henry's defense, he's somehow turned out to be a great, albeit whiney at times, kid. So at least something worked out?
**Honorable Mention: Great Aunt Zelena (Wicked Witch)
So, as you can see, this family tree is already crowded and full of overlaps. And filled with bad people with terrible parents or who are terrible parents and so on. Did we really need to throw another evil character with a chip on their shoulder — that just so happens to be family-related — into the mix to eff things up? Not really.
Zelena could've shown up with her curse and her green smoke and her flying monkeys and created chaos without having to be the long-lost abandoned child of Cora. We already knew that Cora was the worst mother of all time — this just seems like a little much. Oh, and by the way, Rumpel is alive and Zelena is holding him captive. But he seems to have started acting like Gollum in his absence.
What a tangled, magical web we weave. What's next, Rumpel and Cora are brother and sister?