11 Funny Quotes About Halloween


Halloween has a lot of silly traditions that go along with it, so it's no surprise that there are also a lot of funny quotes about Halloween floating around as well. Halloween is a funny holiday — it makes sense that people would see the humor in it.

Ghost, goblins, spiders, and witches... possibly the only way to not be scared of them is to make fun of them, and the authors of these quotes have no qualms about that. They take on all the traditionally "creepy" aspects of Halloween and turn them into something to laugh about. Just take it from Dee Snider and Conan O'Brien, both of whom have said some of the most hilarious quotes about Halloween.

If Halloween is giving you the creeps this year, then you might be able to find some relief below. After all, monsters only get smaller the closer you get to them, right? Even if Halloween doesn't spook you out in the slightest, you'll still enjoy a good laugh from these quotes. So basically, it's a win-win for everybody. Now, go put your costume on, eat some candy, and laugh your brains out (that's a pun, you guys) while you read through these.

1. "Probably the scariest thing about cemeteries is that music they play in your head when you drive by one." — Demetri Martin

2. "I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween." — Anonymous

3. "A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween." —Erma Bombeck

4. "The rhythms of freak are ruled by the holiday calendar, and specifically by Halloween, which as we all know, can be traced back to All Hallows' Eve, an ancient religious rite in which priests raced around the streets of Dublin throwing snack-size Snickers bars at impoverished children." —Steve Almond

5. "Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the "spirits" of things." —Dee Snider

6. "Hold on, man. We don't go anywhere with "scary," "spooky," "haunted," or "forbidden" in the title." — Scooby-Doo

7. "I don't know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids." —Robert Brault

8. "This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him." —Conan O'Brien

9. "Proof of our society's decline is that Halloween has become a broad daylight event for many." —Robert Kirby

10. "Look, there's no metaphysics on earth like chocolates." —Fernando Pessoa

11. "The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. It's unbelievable to me. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised. And there's a reason. All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. And so, since nobody eats that stuff, every year there's a ton of it left over." —Lewis Black

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