These ‘00s Pop Song Lyrics Are Way Weird

By the pricking of my frosted tips, something wickedly strange this way comes. If you are a pop fan of a certain age, I bet you know a thing or two about early 2000s pop music. And I bet you remember the Top 40 songs that ruled Total Request Live and radio airwaves and school dances throughout the early aughts with a shrug cardigan-clad fist. And I bet you know that some of those special songs are especially special. Because some of those early '00s pop songs have weird lyrics. Lyrics so odd, so mystifying, and so confusing, many of us — myself included — did our best impressions of a needle skittering across a record when we realized what it was our favorite pop stars were actually singing.

And yes, I am about to list some of those beautiful songs now.

Before you're like, “OK, Ms. Jerkface, take your jerk hot takes about these great pieces of music back to Jerkface Island because they are not welcome ‘round here,” I want to make something clear: I mean no harm. I love aughts pop. And I love these songs. And I love these artists. And I love these lyrics. These nutty, silly, confounding, and occasionally nonsensical lyrics.

Here are some wonderful early '00s songs that boast some wonderfully bizarre lyrics:

1. “I’m A Slave 4 U” By Britney Spears

I may never fully understand this:

What's practical is logical/What the hell, who cares?/All I know is I'm so happy when you're dancing there

But what the hell, who cares?

2. "Baby Come Over" By Samantha Mumba

The record begins with a few instructions:

Baby come on over tonight/We can make it all right/Take a piece of my heart/And go from the start

"OK, I have a piece of your heart, now what?"

"Go from the start."

"Wait, what do you mean? What's 'the start?' Can I put this chunk of heart down yet?"

"¯\_(ツ)_/¯."

3. “Shape Of My Heart” By The Backstreet Boys

Please consider this lyric:

Sadness is beautiful/Loneliness is tragical

I’m sorry, but what makes sadness so much better than loneliness? Who does sadness think it is?

4. “In My Pocket” By Mandy Moore

This line catches my attention every time I listen to this song:

You walk to where I might not see you/Reach out to the wind/Looking to catch it for a minute/But just to hold it, not be in it

Thank goodness for the “…just to hold it, not be in it” clarification, right? Otherwise, I’d really be scratching my head over that one.

5. “Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops!)” By Blu Cantrell

This is no joke one of my favorite lyrics ever:

While he was scheming/I was beamin' in the Beamer just beamin’

No such thing as too much beamin’.

6. “Complicated” By Avril Lavigne

So this is where honesty comes from:

Life’s like this/You fall and you crawl and you break/And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty/You promised me I’m never gonna find you fake it

And here I thought honesty is what happened when a truth and an integrity loved each other very, very much.

7. “All Or Nothing” By O-Town

The protagonist really wants to be with the song’s subject even though the subject a) seems uninterested in the protagonist and b) sucks at keeping promises:

Don’t make me promises, baby/You never did know how to keep them well

Sounds like a real catch?

8. “Come Clean” By Hilary Duff

I’m just going to leave this here:

‘Cause different/Doesn’t feel so different/And going out is better/Than always staying in/Feel the wind

9. “Independent Women (Part 1)” By Destiny’s Child

What does “break these people off Angel style” entail, exactly?

10. “Give Me Just One Night (Una Noche)” By 98 Degrees

Here is how the song begins:

You keep telling me you want me/Hold me close all through the night/I know that deep inside you need me/No one else can make it right

The object of the protagonist’s affection seems to make her feelings pretty clear, right? Well, apparently not clear enough. The song continues:

Don't you try to hide the secret/I can see it in your eyes/You said the words without speaking/Now I'm gonna make you mine

Am I missing something here? Because I believe the object of the protagonist’s affection actually did say the words out loud. ... Or maybe there’s another secret happening? The plot thickens. Give me just one secret, am I right?

11. “Get Over Yourself” By Eden’s Crush

Just.... here:

This just can’t be it/I kept telling myself/And every magazine said/Was me was on the shelf

Oh. Is that so? Well, then.

Keep keepin' it weird, early '00s. Otherwise, it'll be you be on the shelf.... whatever that means.