We LITERALLY Predict Everything That's Going to Happen on 'The Challenge: Free Agents'

The upcoming season of MTV's reality competition series The Challenge: Free Agents is shaping up to be its most insane yet. As if all of the actual life-threatening physical obstacles, heated love triangles, rivalries, and smack-talking weren't enough, MTV and host TJ Lavin decided to throw this year's cast in for an even bigger surprise: everyone is competing alone. No teams, no pairs, every person for themselves. The rules for this year's challenge are totally off-the-wall. Each week's winner selects two players (one male, one female) to go into the elimination challenge. Then, the losers from that week are places into a lottery and are selected randomly for elimination. Essentially, no one is safe and OH HOW JUICY IT'S GOING TO BE.

MTV just released a new trailer for Free Agents and it features some of its star players expressing their shock and horror to the goings-on of the house in Punta del Este, Uruguay — and it's chock full of the kind of hyperbole of which only MTV reality stars are capable. Though props to the marketing department for at least being completely self-aware.

Not only does the clip tell us that returning Challenge pros like Johnny Bananas, Jasmine, and Camilla are back for more...it also tells us that this year's crew has an affinity for over-using the word "Literally." And though my love of grammar and mechanics of speech is strong and steady...my love of this most ridiculous show makes these sort of errors not only allowable, but entertaining.

And with that, I bring you all of the things I am LITERALLY expecting to happen on Free Agents:

  1. CT gets into a fight with Frank.
  2. CT gets into a fight with Cara Maria
  3. CT gets into a fight with Zach.
  4. CT gets into a fight with Chet.
  5. CT gets into a fight with Preston.
  6. CT gets into a fight with Dustin.
  7. CT gets into a fight with Brandon.
  8. CT gets into a fight with Cohutta.
  9. CT gets into a fight with Aneesa.
  10. CT gets into a fight with Johnny Bananas.
  11. CT gets into a fight with Camila.
  12. Somehow CT does not get kicked out of the house. Frank probably does.
  13. Someone calls out the fact that Dustin is just the store-brand version of Cohutta.
  14. Cohutta brings his guitar. And he plays it shirtless. Often.
  15. Frank gets into a fight with Zach and instead of hitting Zach, he ends up punching someone trying to break them up like Jasmine or Dustin.
  16. Preston and Frank exchange in the most intense side-eye all season long.
  17. Cara Maria brings up Wes.
  18. Cara Maria cries at least once per episode.
  19. Everyone hates Cara Maria except probably Chet because he's Chet.
  20. Jasmine and Jonna have a blow-out.
  21. Devyn stays in the competition a lot longer than everyone expects.
  22. Nany is a key alliance player/shady character.
  23. Leroy probably gets kicked out in the first episode and everyone is sad because LEROY.
  24. Jonna and Zach hook up because duh.
  25. There are LITERALLY seven-thousand hook-ups between the rookies.
  26. Jonna and Nany pick fights with the female rookies.
  27. Devyn flies under the radar and hooks up with the hottest rookies.
  28. Jonna talks about her real-life struggles ad nauseum.
  29. Everyone votes CT in every week and he probably always wins the elimination challenges.
  30. Frank cries and tells everyone he's a good person.

Bring it on, Free Agents.

Image: MTV