While letting a little moan out here and there can assure your partner that what they’re doing feels good, using your words can help take you both to the next level. If you don’t do so already, there are so many reasons why you should incorporate dirty talk into your sex life. I personally love it. It’s a great way to feel more connected to the person I’m about having sex with. It makes everything feel more personalized in a way, like we're the only two people sharing those words at that particular moment. But not everyone is comfortable throwing out words in the heat of the moment. Sometimes dirty talk comes out hot, and sometimes it feels awkward.
“Dirty talk can be a great tool to turn each other on, IF and only IF you have discussed what you like and want to hear,” Sarah Watson, LPC and Sex Therapist, tells Bustle. “Everyone has a different erotic template. It is important to know your own and always ask your partner if that is something they would like during intercourse or foreplay.”
It’s important to note that there are some days when dirty talk won’t work and there are some days when it will turn up the heat, Watson says. Some people tend don't know what their partner likes to hear and end up making wrong assumptions. “To fix this, you need to make time for a real and honest conversation about what type of dialogue turns you both on,” Watson says. “This discussion is another way to enhance your intimacy which will most likely enhance your pleasure in the bedroom.”
Here are some dirty talk mistakes many of us make and easy ways to fix them:
Mistake #1: Reserving It For Bedroom Use Only
Finding time to have intimate moments can be difficult for busy couples with jobs, businesses, and even kids. “I would suggest leaning over while standing in the grocery line and whispering into your lover’s ear,” sex expert, Davondra Brown, tells Bustle. Unexpected dirty talk starts the foreplay early and helps build anticipation.
Mistake #2: Talking Too Much
When it comes to talking dirty, there is a such thing as too much. Brown tells Bustle, strategic use of well-placed words are more erotic than rambling on in the sack. So keep it easy. Tell them what you like, what you want, and how they make you feel.
“A simple whisper of ‘I love being inside you’ right into [their] ear while you are actually inside of [them] is sure to drive [them] wild,” she says.
Mistake #3: Trying Too Hard
In other words, be yourself! Stay away from using words or phrases you’ve only heard in movies or read in books. Trying stuff that you heard somewhere else will sound less than genuine and come across as clumsy, Brown says. “Figure out what works for you and stick with it with slight variations depending on the mood.”
Images: Andrew Zaeh for Bustle; Giphy (3)