Since one of the most important things in a relationship is communication, it only makes sense that when things get hot and heavy, you should continue to have a dialogue. Yes, I’m suggesting dirty talk, and yes, if you haven’t given it a try during sex or foreplay, it’s time. It’s actually less scary than it seems.
While there are plenty of great articles out there about how to talk dirty to your partner, there aren’t enough out there about why you should do it. Most of these aforementioned articles (not Bustle's of course) are angled in a way that you should talk to dirty to “your man,” because that’s “what he likes,” and wants, and the rest of the heteronormative junk that fails to include everyone. But what those pieces seem to forget is that when you bring dirty talk into the mix, it isn’t just about your partner and their needs; it’s equally about what you enjoy, too, and a lot of us really love to talk dirty. It feels good to let it all out.
1. It Helps You Learn What You're Comfortable With
The reason there are so many articles about how to talk dirty is because it can be tricky at first. It can make some people feel vulnerable to put themselves out there in such a vocal way, and then there are those who just can’t say certain words, like “pussy,” or “cock,” which, to be honest, are the words you’re often going for when you’re talking dirty.
There’s also the challenge of overcoming how you view words in the real world and how your view them in the bedroom. As sex therapist Vanessa Marin's column for Bustle on talking dirty explains, it’s totally OK to be turned by words like “slut,” even though you may find them offensive outside the bedroom. You’re taking control of the word and using it on your terms, and that can be challenging for some women. But sometimes, a challenge helps you define what you're comfortable with — on your own terms.
2. It Keeps Your Partner In The Loop
Unless you're dating a psychic, you're partner can't read your mind. When you vocalize what feels good, what needs some work, or that your clitoris is just a little bit higher, and you'd really love it if your partner could focus all their energy there, then you both benefit.
Once you can both say what you like and how you like it, you're not too far away from saying how it makes you feel. From there, the dirty talk will just flow ― it will take practice though, of course.
3. It Gets Your Creative Juices (And Other Juices) Flowing
So, maybe your version of talking dirty right now is letting your partner know that you're about to come. That's usually one aspect of dirty talk that people can tackle, but just think about how hot it would be to just let loose and reveal all the things you keep in your head during sex.
Before you know it, you've gone from yelling, "I'm coming! I'm coming!" to something about how you're going to show up at your partner's work, lock them in their office, and give them the type of lunch break that you've both always wanted. In that moment you've created a fantasy and a scenario that you can keep coming back to and can build upon. Maybe you'll even end up getting your own version of Fifty Shades of Grey out of it ― you never know!
4. It's Awesome Foreplay
As any doctor or sex therapist will tell you, foreplay is an extremely important part of sex, especially for women. It takes women far longer to get aroused than men, and that's why they don't orgasm as quickly as men do. For us, foreplay is essential.
If you can start with some dirty talk, then you'll be tantalizing each other in ways that are just as important as physical foreplay. Quickies are fun, but if you have the time to take your time, then do it. Set aside a full 20 minutes of just talking dirty to each other before you even remove your clothes and touch each other. You'll see the difference it makes.
5. You'll Totally Surprise Yourself
It's always nice when you can still surprise yourself, isn't it? And the thing is, when you push yourself to do something that you've never done, you just might realize it was made for you. Talking graphically about how you want to be touched and how you're going to touch your partner might revolutionize your sex life — but you'll ever find out unless you give it a try.
6. You'll Surprise Your Partner
There are plenty of ways to spice things up in your long-term relationship when things are feeling a bit stale. If your sex life has become the stuff of missionary right before bed, then talking dirty to your partner is an easy way to switch things up a bit.
Chances are the dirty things you've been thinking, but haven't said out loud yet, will truly surprise them. You can whisper in your partner's ear, making sure your lips just slightly graze their earlobe. From there, depending on their response, you can continue, or let them take over and tell you what they're thinking, too.
7. It Leads To Better Sex
If you're talking honestly, openly, and graphically about what you want to get out of every sexual experience, how can it not lead to better sex? With communication and all this dirty talk, there are no secrets — and neither you nor your partner is forced to try to figure out what that moan or facial expression really means. Sex shouldn't be a riddle.
8. It's Fun (And Funny) As Hell
You may think that you have to be completely serious when you're talking dirty, but you don't. A lot of times, people forget that not only is sex fun — but it can be funny, too. If you can loosen up enough to have a good time, laugh about it, and relax, you'll be amazed by what sort of good time you can have.
I can't even tell you how much of my dirty talk has revolved around pizza. I figure if there's no laughing in there at some point, then we've just taken ourselves too seriously. And that's not hot.