There are hangovers — the throbbing headache after a night of tequila binging, curable only with a life-vest of a bacon-egg-and-cheese sandwich — and then there are Passover hangovers. They include the same throbbing headache, except from a Manischewitz and too-much-family binge, and there is NOTHING TO EAT BECAUSE NOTHING IS KOSHER FOR PASSOVER. And oh, the Manischewitz hits you like a brick with a vengeance (you hear that? Bricks can have vengeance. It's called Jewish guilt).
So what's a Jewish girl (or non-Jewish girl as a seder guest) to do after too many cups of wine at the seder table? Other than call up your Aunt Mindy and apologize for that drunken remark you made about how her mole looks like Italy. (But it does.)
Here are five ways to cure your Passover hangover, and they're all — wait for it — totally kosher.
Many hangover symptoms are related to dehydration, and this particular hangover comes with an extra dash of guilt from your mother. Oy. Today, drink 12 glasses of water if you can (but not all at the same time).
2. Crack Open That Box Of Matzo
Maybe you can't have a bagel if you're observing Passover. Maybe you can't scarf down your time-old favorite sandwich, a bacon, egg, and cheese on a roll. But wait! You do have an abundance of matzo products that are kosher for Passover, directly from the box to your stomach. Don't doubt the dexterity of this cardboard-resembling carb; it can take all sorts of shapes and forms, including dark chocolate and even gluten-free varieties. See? You CAN eat!
But what might really do the trick for the morning after (the seder, that is) is some good old fashioned matzo-brei; it's the ultimate Passover hangover food. Simply stick matzo, butter, eggs, and oil in a frying pan and be prepared to feel the cure. As TIME says, "Research may not support the utility of piling on carbs and fats on top of all that liquor, but one's gut certainly does."
3. Pop That B. C.
No, not birth control (but don't forget that, either). Vitamins B and C are both proven to help aid in curing a hangover.
4. Pass Over (Pun Intended!) Drinking the Leftover Manischewitz
Most folks have two seders — one for each of the first two nights of Passover. This way, no side of the family can feel slighted...for the most part. If you're still feeling the effects from the night before, just say "no" to the Manischewitz and "yes" to the grape juice at the second seder, and if both seders have passed, don't even think about downing the remaining kosher wine (as tempting as that is). Think of this as an opportunity to have a flashback to your younger years! More drinking may help stimulate conversation with the relative who forgot your name, but the whole "hair of the dog" theory is a myth.
5. Call Aunt Mindy (Or Whomever You Said That Drunken Thing To) And Apologize
...Because Jewish guilt can last longer than any hangover and can give you a headache that no fried food can cure. And besides, don't you just want to be a nice, decent human on the holidays?